Thursday, October 25, 2012

7 Months Out of the Loop

So much has happened in the last 7 months, and I have neglected not only my journal, but also my lap band.

I stopped using it.

I stopped going to the doctor.

I felt like nothing was changing, and went through tons of family changes.  In March my Grandmother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Terminal Cancer, and only a month later, she passed.

After April I went into a downward spiral, and just gave up.

My schooling fell short, my work was mediocre, and life was just blah.

I do believe I gave up on myself.

In June the Mister and I decided we were ready to try to have a baby.

That was my next reason to neglect my lap band.

It's not October, and I have yet to get pregnant.  I went to my doctor and learned that I will be on some medication that prevents me from being pregnant for the next three months; which means January is the earliest.

I held Little Ms' birthday party a few weeks ago and saw a photo of me that just made me look so round.  I have also gained 8 pounds since March, which is not good.

I have an appointment on Tuesday to talk to my doctor about pregnancy, and also to get a fill.

That photo, plus dealing with everything, and finally getting back to a good place in my life (emotionally), I'm ready to concur some of the physical.  I figure I have at least two months to get back on track, and probably longer if pregnancy doesn't happen right away.

I have been going to the gym again, which has been helpful, but my eating has gone to sh*t.  I'm hoping using my lap band will help me with that, and am ready to make some physical changes.

On the plus side, any weight loss should aid me in my goal of getting pregnant, since I am still over 200 pounds.

Glad to see those who were banded near me are doing so well, and hopefully I won't be such a stranger.

- Until next time.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Out of hiding...

It's been some time...and I'll admit that I have been avoiding, many things, my blog included.

I am still resting at 200...I did go down to 199, but then back up.  I feel like I fight myself within ten pounds.  Oh well.

I attempted a cleanse, and that just caused me to get pretty sick, and it was all bad.  Horrible half week (couldn't even make it through the week).

I was doing great with my workouts, then with getting sick (and you're not supposed to workout while cleansing), I've lost my groove.

The Mister and I still have our $100 bet that I can't get down 30 pounds (20 more to go) by April 1st.

My doctor doesn't think I need any fills, and it's really starting to piss me off.  For one, I'm paying the copay so you can tell me I don't need a fill?  For two, we all see me on this huge plateau...but hey, you're the doctor I guess.

I have been doing well with my eating, and I notice when I'm eating good and working out, I do go down in weight...then something happens and I either stop working out, or start eating horribly.  Amazing how well candy can go down, but I can't eat certain veggies to save my life.

I know my last fill (almost two months ago) did something, because since then I cannot eat bread, rice, and most pasta.  So I just steer clear of it these days.

Life on the other hand, is fabulous.  People have noticed I've lost weight.  I hosted a baby shower for a dear friend of mine, and there were people I haven't seen in a year or more, and everyone had a comment of how great I looked.  I guess deep down I was hoping for a more drastic change, but my face is substantially thinner, and I fit into a size smaller...which is hit or miss on the brand, but I'm taking it.

Schooling is stressful as always, and I am coming up on finals next week.  My work/professional life is amazing, and I truly love my job.  Family is awesome as ever, and we have a ton of events coming up (our one year wedding anniversary included).  Little Miss is doing well, and I am just really happy.  Losing weight or not, I am happy.  I know I have a ways to go, but am no longer stressed about it.

I will admit that I have been stuck in this baby mode for some time, and it has been decided that in June we will start trying to have a baby.  I know this is going to screw with my weight loss plans, but if I can drop anything really, I'll be happy.  I wanted to be at 150 when I get pregnant, and I think I could probably be down to 170.

My OB/GYN told me that even if I got pregnant, by watching what I eat, and doing light exercising, I should still be able to drop weight, and it would be that's a plus.

I'm off.  Decided to take a break from studying, and hold myself accountable for hiding from no one else than...myself.

I have been keeping up with blogs of those I follow, and you ladies are truly amazing.  I need to gather some of your inspiration, and make it happen.

- Until next time.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Well, the Mister and I have chosen June to start trying for a baby...I can do this.  Both lose the weight before, and actually have a kid/give birth (birth scares the bajeezes out of me).

The bad...I still haven't broken 200...damn you to myself.  I am right at 200.8-201.8 and getting really mad about it.  Maybe I need to get mad to actually do something about it.

The ugly...well, I'm having issues with my scars.  You can feel the amount of scar tissue under them, and they (all four) are raised.  It's so weird...not necessarily ugly, but very strange.

Things are well in our house, we've been crazy busy, but what would life be if it was easy as pie?  My classes started again, and so far it is going great!  I am really enjoying learning about social psychology, and I think if I don't go into teaching, I would love to go into social psychology research.

I have been maintaining my eating journal (which is not consistent for me), and that has been very helpful.  My next goal to add with that is instead of just writing everything (not only the good, but the crap I manage to fit in too), but to also add how I'm feeling or what's going on when I'm eating things that are not the best for me.

The Mister and I have noticed that when I focus on my food, I lose weight.  When I let loose of my sight on what I'm eating, then I gain a pound or two...and it takes longer to take off that pound or two than it does to put on.

All is well here.  I know keeping up with my journal hasn't been as consistent as I would like it to be, but I was really hoping I could put a number on here that was in the Hundreds and not the two-hundreds...oh well.

Next time!  This week I'll be out of town at a conference, and that scares me to tell you the truth.  Breakfast, lunch, and most dinners are hopefully we have some good options instead of all crap.  The Mister told me to hard boil some eggs and keep them in my hotel fridge, bring my oatmeal and  yogurt, so that way I know my breakfast will be taken care of.  Good thing is that I will have a car while I'm down there, so if they're serving crap, then I can go to the market one night after the meetings and get some things of my own.

- Until next time.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Happy New Year - and two weeks off of blogging

Happy New Year!  2012 is here, and I told the Mister it should be a good year for people to start resolutions, since Jan. 1st was on a Sunday.  I have few, very obtainable, resolutions.  The first is to mail out a birthday card to every family member, as well as anniversary cards.  I always keep a calendar of birthdays and anniversaries, so why not?  Another is to blog more, as I noticed blogging is the way I hold myself accountable for what I am/am not doing.  I need to blog at least once per week, but more would be acceptable.

My next grad school class starts on Monday, so I know I'll be on the computer maybe blogging will be a break from my studies...we'll see.

The last post I had was very negative, very very negative.  Over the last two weeks, I have not focused much on eating, yet have still watched my portions (still have that fear of vomiting).  Today I finally decided to weigh myself, and I weighed in at 201.8.  I was so surprised.  That is the closest I have been to breaking the 200's, and I really should take advantage of it.  The last time I weighed myself I was close to 209, so to be down that low was very surprising to me.

The Mister and I were talking last night, which is what sparked my weight curiosity, and he is offering a bet.  He wants to be $100 that I couldn't lose 30 pounds by  March.  I think it's his way of kind of encouraging me.  We used to go to the gym together, but we both realized we do better when we go solo to the gym.  So today as I was curious to see what my weight is, to see where I'd be in 30 pounds, am very tempted to take that bet.

Since I'm in school and working, I have to manage out my time, so as long as I add the gym and perhaps even scheduled eating times, I think I could make it work.  What's some advice to aid in the weight loss process?

I still don't feel too much difference with my lapband.  I've noticed since doing portion control (weighing and measuring out my portions) that I'm not has hungry as my eyes think that I am.

Another thing, I really want to have a baby this year (not sure if I've mentioned that), but I also really want to be at least in the 150' that puts me at about 50 pounds to lose.  Our goal is to start this summer, where I take out my IUD, but the sooner I can get down the sooner I'll take out my IUD.  That's a good and bad motivator.  Having a baby scares the crap out of me, but other days it makes me so happy and encouraged because I know I want a baby and to build our family.

Oh well.  Hopefully I'll be seeing you guys more frequently.

-Until next time.