Thursday, December 29, 2011

Almost the New Year.

I haven't been on here much, and most of it is due to the chaos of Christmas time.  Our Christmas was awesome, the Mister, Little Ms. and myself had an amazing Christmas.  Right before Christmas I went in for my second fill.

I had a new doctor.  It caught me so off guard, and I wasn't a big fan of him either.  I have been working with two doctors during my process, and he wasn't one of them.  He came in very assertive, and it made me kind of defensive.  His first question was what was I doing wrong because I wasn't losing weight how he thought I should be.  He then asked if I was taking all the food in, or if I continued with my bad habits that got me here in the first place.  I was so pissed off and completely defensive before I even got my chance to talk.  I did ask if he was going to be around that office (the one I go to since they have so many offices), and he said yes.  I am  not thrilled.

I know that I am not losing weight fast, and I am also fully aware that I am not losing 1-3 pounds per week like he would like me to (hell, I would like to as well!).  It was a very frustrating experience, and the Mister told me to suck it up because chances are, he's going to be my new doctor.  I'm not looking forward to that.  The Mister also encouraged me to take it as a competition.  I know that I have to see him again in 4 weeks, and so the Mister thinks it would be a good idea to work my butt off for 4 weeks and see what happens.  I know it's his way of encouraging me, but the doctor makes me want to not do shit.

Then, if I go that route, who am I hurting?  No one but myself.  Lame.

It's been hard to  focus on anything eating healthy/staying in shape related due to the holidays.  I've lost all of my focus, and just really don't give a crap anymore.  I just don't care. 

I went to go see my OB/GYN, the Mister and I would like to start having kids next summer, and I had to figure out my options with my IUD.  He said to keep it in until 1 month before, and is strongly encouraging me to take full advantage of my lapband, since he wants me to drop at least 50 pounds before trying to get pregnant.

I need to get motivated.  I need to find focus.  I need to stop eating candy (it seems like since I realized there are certain treats I can eat, I have excess!)...I just need to get back to wanting this because I no longer care either way; and that is not good.

Maybe I need to read a motivational book, or watch a movie about someone who transformed their life...those always seem to motivate me.  Hope your holiday went great, and Happy New Year to you all!

- Until next time.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Christmas is almost here!

I (as most people) have been crazy busy lately!

I love the Christmas season, it is filled with so much love and family seems to want to be around more, haha.  In the same turn, I do not like how much road rage and crazy shopping experiences this time of year brings out in people.  Oh well, can't win them all.

Things have been so well, and emotionally I am in a terrific place.  I have been spending some amazing time with family, and on top of that, I only have 3 presents left to buy for Christmas.  I'm so glad I didn't wait until the last minute like I usually do.  The Mister is having fun with it because he just started thinking of presents (we both have a HUGE family), and I told him we only needed 3, and he is all jazzed.

My eating and band have been doing well.  I haven't had any new issues or anything.  I started a new kickboxing thing, and boy it beats me up.  I've lost another pound and a half, which is good, but what's better is I'm noticing a shift in my body.  My weight is moving and toning up in different areas, which makes my clothes fit looser.  So even though I'm not dropping pounds, I'm still feeling good because I'm noticing something.

I'm glad that even though the Christmas season is here, I'm still doing well.  I go in for my next fill in one week, and my doctor really wants me to be in the 100's somewhere, so I have a week to drop about 2 pounds to be in the 190's.  The Mister told me to go strong this week and try to lose more to impress my doctor...but I probably won't.  I'm just happy to be in such a great state of mine, and that's all I want for Christmas this year =)

- Until next time.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

November has come and gone.

This month seems like it has flied by, it feels like it started and now all of a sudden it's done.

Turkey day went over well.  We spent the day at my Grandmother's house, and stayed the night at my sister's house near by.  It was a pretty nice day.  I tried very hard to watch what I ate, and ate mostly vegetables and ham.  I'm not a big turkey fan, and for whatever reason the turkey tasted dry to I opted for ham.

I lost 4 pounds before Thanksgiving, and when I weighed myself on Saturday, I had gained 3 of it back.  I weighed myself this morning to see how I was doing, and I'm down to 203 again.  Which I guess is good.

Tonight I am a bit irritated, and I have been sick off and on since the day prior to Thanksgiving, so I'm sure that has something to do with it as well.  The Mister woke me up (I fell asleep on the couch) at dinner time, and I told him to give me a few minutes that I would eat later.

About a half hour or so went by, and I asked where dinner was and he said he ate it all.  It really annoyed me.  It's still annoying me.  We are on a very big crunch financially right now (which we knew we would be thanks to Black Friday - but we got everything we wanted lol), but it also puts us at a crunch for dinner items and planned meals.  I don't really have anything I can just cook without taking from another nights dinner.

I attempted to make some quick items, and have managed to burn all 3 I'm done.  I'm beyond frustrated, and I don't care how hungry I am right now because I'm more pissed off.  What makes me more upset is that The Mister doesn't seem to care at all.  Just frustrating.

I'm off.  I just needed to vent.

- Until next time.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Fill One- Complete

Two months and 11 days after surgery, I went in for my first fill.

I gained 1 pound, but I knew that when I got there.  As I prepared for the hour long drive to my doctor's office, I did my morning weigh in, and it didn't even phase me that I had gained a pound.  I knew due to what I was eating, with my birthday I kind of threw all eating notes out the window (which you shouldn't do, but it had been so long since I had done it).

I was surprised at how fast I was in and out of there, usually I have to wait around forever for my doctor, but not yesterday.  I got in, they had me lay down with my hands behind my head, and they gave me a numbing shot.  The shot felt like nothing, but then once they go to pull it out, it has a burning sensation.

The doctor said it's normal, he's not sure why, but everyone says that.  So then he puts in the needle to fill, but he can't find the spot on the port.  We tried everything.  I was laying down, I was sitting up, I was standing, and then again, we tried laying down.  He poked me in four different spots, before finally locating the "golden area" so to speak.

Once he found the spot for fill, he had me sit up and begin to drink water.  We did it about three times, and he said we were done.  It was a weird sensation though.  When he did the first start of filling I felt like bubbles going up my throat, it was weird.

He ended up putting 2.5 cc's in my band, but said he thought I could have used more.  I'm not sure if I could have, but his office is closed all of next week, and this being my first fill right before thanksgiving, I'm glad we stopped.  I couldn't imagine if it was too tight, and then I'd have to wait over a week to go see him - no thanks.

All day yesterday after my fill I had horrible gas - I could not stop burping.  The Mister kept saying they sounded like angry burps haha.  I had no problem eating, but I did pay attention to feeling full or not.  I tried not to eat too much anyway, cause we weren't at home.

I went to the gym by myself the other day, which is new.  Typically I only go with The Mister, but with our schedules being so crazy, we never have time to go together.  I noticed I was using it as an excuse, that I wasn't going to the gym because we didn't have time.  I had time, I just wasn't going.  So now, I'm going by myself.

I am very excited to see how things go, as I feel like my first fill is the start to this adventure (event though I know surgery was, it seems like ages ago).  Very excited over here.

- Until next time.

Friday, November 11, 2011

It's like I never got banded - until I burp

Today I realized a few things regarding my band.

  1. I don't feel like I even went through the surgery (although my surgery was only 2 months ago)
  2. I know I went through my surgery because when I do have to burp, it feels so much different than it used to...and I have "gas" that gets stuck, and it hurts more when I can't burp.
  3. I know that until I go in for a fill, I'm basically doing all of this on my own; and I really can't wait until the 19th for my 1st fill.
  4. Laying on my stomach is very uncomfortable where my port is.
  5. I can feel my port anytime of any day, and it freaks the Mister out.

There are other things, but those are the most frequent.  I am proud of myself that I am either staying the same weight or losing, but am frustrated that it's not consistent (the losing).

There are things I should be doing to help myself, but am not.  I am still not 100% on an eating schedule, although I am up to 3 meals per day with usually only 1 snack.  I am almost every day drinking at least 8 glasses of water, which is great. 

I am not getting daily exercise, and that has got to change.  Today I picked up my Kinect (yeay, I love it so far!) as well as Just Dance 3 which is a pretty good workout.  We also have another game, but both get me moving and grooving.  That is a plus. 

The Mister and I agreed that I will pack a gym bag and on my way home from work I will go to the gym.  I hate going to the gym after work, but on Tuesday and Thursday I have been getting off before 4 pm, which hopefully means there isn't going to be the "after work" crowd.

I should be eating more vegetables.  I get adequate amounts of protein (which is harder than I ever thought it would be), but when I'm still hungry, I lean towards starches.  I need to attempt to lean towards veggies until I can get to my goal weight.

This is an ongoing process, but at times I still feel as if I am failing, and it hurts my ego.  I have my on going to-do lists and what not, but now I need to keep a goal list, and maybe bribe myself.  If I can complete such and such goal, I get xyz (whatever it is I list).  I just might do that. 

Hope everyone has a splendid holiday weekend (or regular weekend if you don't have the holiday off). 

-Until next time.

Friday, November 4, 2011

It's been almost 2 weeks...

Almost 2 weeks since my last post.

I have been feeling great, and then mad, then great, then mad.  There are many things going on in my life lately; which is probably the cause of the ups and downs of emotions.

Lap Band first- things are fine.  I am down to 203.6 in the past two weeks, but I only have 3ish pounds to go before I'm in the 190's...I need to do this for myself.  Since I missed my first fill date, my next fill date/first fill is due on Saturday, November 19th.  My birthday is on the 16th, so it's convenient that I get to celebrate one last birthday fill-less.  I don't like cake, so it'll probably be ice cream.

I am glad that I have maintained and even lost a small percent, but then sometimes I get really upset at myself that I should be trying harder and I'm not putting forth full effort.

This weekend I have accepted ZERO work to take home.  I don't get paid for it, so I'm making full effort to no longer bring it home.  Four days of no work; at all.  One of my goals this weekend is to manage my time for the next week, and tweak it as it needs to be.

This includes my work schedule, eating, time with the family, and gym.  I feel like I've been avoiding the gym like the plague, and I need to embrace it like a bad habit.

I have been completely stuck in baby mode the last few months, and I need to hold myself to the goal I set.  I made a deal with myself and the Mister that we wouldn't get pregnant until I lost 50 pounds.  That's not that far away.  Another deal we talked about was waiting until next summer, which could potentially put me at my goal weight of 130/140...

We'll see what happens; but I'm hoping to drop 50 before it does.

Work is crazy busy, I got my first teaching assignment,  and I'm SUPER excited.  I'll be teaching a 5 week Customer Service class at the local Junior College...I just have to prep for the classes.  Classes start on Tuesday, and I can use the extra money right before Christmas.

- Until next time.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Another Week - First Fill - Didn't Happen

Last week I was a mess.  All over the place, and it really made me get back into a new mindset.

This week has been extremely busy, and I'm glad to finally have a day off.  Yesterday (Saturday 10/22) I had a doctor's appointment for my first fill at 9:45 am.  The appointment was about an hour away, and I slept right through it.

I can't believe I missed my doctor's appointment.  It was my fault, for not hearing my alarm, and also The Mister's, since he wanted me to sleep in and helped me by turning off the alarm.  I woke up at 20 till 11, and was again, mad at myself.

Oh well, I have to reschedule, and I'm trying really hard not to beat myself up about it.  I know they do fills every Tuesday, but was trying not to miss any work.  They only do Saturday fills once a month...and I missed it.  =/

I'll call on Monday.  I should have called yesterday, but was so embarrassed. 

In other news - my professor dropped me from my class, and I found out yesterday.  Way to drop the ball on that as well.  I'm hoping it is for the best.  With the holidays and birthdays over the next few weeks, part of me thinks it may be a good thing.  Also with my new job, I've been working crazy hours.  I'll be calling the school on Monday as well.

Yesterday was my Mother's 60th birthday, and we threw her a surprise party - it turned out so nice! 

I did my weight in yesterday morning and I'm down 2 pounds (from the 3 I put on)...yeay!  I decided I should put my current weight, so that everyone knows where I'm at and what's going on.  Yesterday I weighed in at 206.2.  Hopefully next week I can be down, I'm hoping 203, but we'll see.  With no school on my mind, I should be able to also focus on my workouts.

Best of luck to everyone, cause I know I need it lately.

- Until next time.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

And the tears flowed.

Yesterday was an emotional day.

Yesterday was the most emotional day I've had yet.

I now understand today, why yesterday was so bad, but here's my day:

I was able to wake up around 9:30 am after going to bed at 4:30 am.  I had been up all night baking cakes and cake pops for my nephews' birthday party.  2 cakes, 35 cake pops, and I have a picture somewhere, but they came out adorable.

I was rushing all morning.  My to-do list before the party included completing the baked goods, shower, and also do Little Ms' hair.  Little Ms. tried to stay out of my way, cause I was cranky, and I feel bad now of my pushing her out of the kitchen so aggressively.  It was 5 till 1 pm and that's when the party started, and I still had to put the cakes together.  So there was no shower, and The Mister threw Little Ms' hair up in a pony tail.

We went to my brother's house, started assembling everything, and it all came together so well.  People would walk in and watch me putting the cakes together, and I spent the first 45 minutes of the party putting these two 3-tiered cakes together.

After that I ate, went outside, and for whatever reason just felt very alone.  I helped with the pictures, did the cake and cake pops, helped with present opening.  Then it was done, and I wasn't needed.  I felt like I wasn't talked to after that.  I just felt, alone.  I don't know why, and there were tons of people there, but I was uncomfortable, and just felt awkward.

We had another party we had to attend, and The Mister and I talked about not going because I was so tired and I hadn't showered.  Little Ms. already had plans to stay the night at her grandma's house, so we weren't sure what we were going to do.

I kind of sat there listening to conversations, and was able to talk with family, while hearing all of the drunk people who managed to huddle and get loud and aggressive with their words, and it just made me feel more uncomfortable as well as more alone.  So weird, I'm aware.

I walked over to the Mister and he was huddled with the guys, and they were talking about how vicious the girls were getting, and I hinted towards the Mister that I was ready to go.  He didn't see any of them.  I then noticed that Little Ms. wasn't playing with the other kids, she was playing by herself with the puppies.  I asked if everything was ok, and she said the other kids fight a lot, yell , scream, and hit each other, and she didn't want to play with them.  My heart sank.

I walked over to The Mister, told him I was leaving, asked if he wanted to go with me.  I was so frustrated when I left, and then when I was leaving, no one noticed.  I said bye, got maybe one or two waves from the 30+ people, and it really got to me.

We left, came home, Little Ms. grabbed some overnight stuff for Grandma's house, and we left.  I didn't want to go, but The Mister had been drinking (even though he said he wasn't going to) and couldn't take her by himself.  So we went, his parents were looking at pictures, and I felt like his Dad was staring at me like he knew something was wrong the entire time.

As we left, we didn't talk about much.  I was cranky, moody, and a little mad about how the day turned out.  The Mister said going to the other party wasn't an option- which then made me more mad since it was for one of my girlfriends.  As I was driving home, there's a bridge in town we go over, and one side of the road stops, the other does not.  For whatever reason, I thought they both did.  I stopped at the stop sign, then started going, without waiting for through traffic to pass.  We almost got hit, it would have been right at the driver's door, and it was pretty scary.

I didn't freak out, all I said was 'sorry, I forgot they don't stop' and the Mister had a face of- wtf.  As we continued driving, I just started crying.  Horribly crying.  The Mister asked what was wrong, and I said nothing, and I didn't know.

We got home, I took a shower, did some homework, the Mister didnt' talk to me, and I ended up taking a nap from 7 pm - 10 pm.  The Mister left for work around 10:30, and I was up all night.  I was hungry from not eating dinner, so instead of figuring something out at home, I had McDonald's.

The line was long, and I thought about leaving the drive through multiple times because I felt guilty just being there, but didn't.  I had a 10 piece chicken nugget, french fries, and an ice tea.  Instant gratification.

Then I came home...and cried again.

Today, I am better.  I realize yesterday I was just overwhelmed.  I have been so busy lately that I haven't stopped to smell the roses so to speak.  I haven't been able to appreciate much of anything lately, and that makes me feel guilty.

The party, I still have mixed feelings.  I know when we got there, I felt overwhelmed.  Then once the cakes were done, I felt invisible.  I felt under appreciated, and was hoping to spend better quality time with my family.  Instead everyone was drinking, and within the first three hours, they were all husband included.  The Mister made me mad because he was drinking- don't tell me you're not going to if you don't plan to stick to your word.

I have my own issues, and I'm aware that the majority of yesterday was all in my head.  Almost getting hit sent my emotions overboard and just started crying.  I'm glad we did not get hit, that we just got the horn honked at us and a truck flipping us off- I think if they would have hit us without slowing down/stopping we would be screwed and possibly not be here today.

I need to manage my time better.  I need to make time for myself and my family.  I need to stop overbooking myself, and stop to smell the roses.  I really need to not run to food when I get emotional.  I don't even like McDonald's, but it was either that or Jack-in-the-box because of how late it was- and well, chicken nuggets sounded better to me.

The Mister came home from work this morning and saw the bags- he was very disappointed...and I was really embarrassed.  I'm having my own issues with my weight since I have gained 1.5 pounds over the last two weeks.  I am so mad and disappointed with myself that I go to food.  I don't know what to do with myself lately.

- Until next time.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011


The family and I made a trip to Disneyland over the weekend for Little Ms.'s 6th birthday.  It was nice, and although I'm not a fan of Disneyland, we all had a blast.

I worried about eating trends and myself; and talked to The Mister about it.  Every time I've ever been to an amusement park, I look forward to the crap.  The stuff you don't make at home.  The churros, funnel cake, cotton candy, etc. etc. etc.

The Mister came up with a game plan that I could pick one and we as a family would share the one serving.  I would get my fix of the taste while not over doing it.  We actually stuck to the plan.  I was surprised.  We all shared one churro, and that was our sweet tooth fix.  We had some chicken for lunch (they had other stuff too, but I had chicken and beans), and drank water all day.

We got to snack on fruit (it was nice that they offer healthy options, kind of surprised me), and we also brought in some snacks of our own.  Although it was an expensive day, Little Ms. had the time of her life.  We spent most of the day hunting down characters so that she could get their autograph and a photo; but that's what made it special to her.

The Mister and I were supposed to hit the gym today after work, but he wasn't feeling well, and my classes just started today so I've been bombarded with school work.  I think I'm just going to take my gym clothes to work, and instead of coming straight home, go straight to the gym.

I'm off to do more school work.  I have tons of reading to do.

- Until next time.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

It's October...and I haven't posted in 10 days =/

October is here...and in full swing.

My life has turned crazy busy, and will continue to be swamped until after the new year.  I guess it's good to be busy, but I just have been feeling very overwhelmed.

I weighed myself Friday morning, and have gone up 0.8 pounds...almost an entire pound.  I have also started using the gym 4-6 times per week (the first week was 6, and this last week was only 4 due to schedule conflicts).  I told my husband I hope it's the gym, but it could be my eating.

Although I can eat basically whatever I want, I try not to.  I haven't been eating as strictly to my eating plan and diet as I was before I started working three days a week.  Work is my biggest issue with my eating, and I have vocalized to all of my peers at work that I am trying to stick to an eating schedule and an eating plan, that if they see me try to go off track to stop me.  Now that it's out in the open, hopefully it'll be easier. 

I've also set alarms on my phone to go off, in case I am busy, I know it's time for my protein shake or whatever it may be.  I hope that works out.

Today I went and put a kinect on layaway.  Although it's only $150, I don't have it right now, but I had $20 lol.  We went to pay on our daughter's Christmas gifts, and the lady in front of us had one, so I decided to get one as well.  I get paid on Friday and am hoping to pay in full then, but we'll have to see what our bills are looking like.

I despise the holiday season for the amount of money everything seems to cost.  It seems like every October our bills get crazy, then we're catching up November & December, then behind again because of Thanksgiving and Christmas. 

I also ordered Billy Blanks PT 24/7 workout system for myself and The Mister.  Who knows when I'll get it, since it didn't tell me until after I completed my order that it's back ordered.  If I would have known that, I would have bought it from Amazon or even Ebay.  Oh well, I should have known better, but hopefully before November I'll get it.

The Mister has been very supportive of me, and has been joining me at the gym, so that's been great.  I've been sweating my butt off and I feel like it's not doing anything.  One of the girls I work with told me I'm not getting enough cardio, which could be true.  That's part of the reason I decided on the Kinect.  She does Zumba at the gym, but I figured I could do it at home, and still go to the gym and hopefully we'll see some better results. 

My husband also mentioned that my face looks thinner; but I'm not seeing that yet.  I've only taken one photo, and I feel that I look exactly the same since that photo.  I had a goal of getting under 200 pounds before I was approved to start working out, and that didn't happen (I also got approved to start working out before I thought I would) but now I want to drop this last few pounds before the 22nd (my first fill).

I guess I want to show the doctor that I'm really trying.  If I went in right now, I'd be up in weight (not even an entire pound, but still).  I guess it's a bit of a bummer to drop 16 pounds like I was holding it in my hand, and then to plateau for what seems like forever, it sucks. 

I'm off.  I have some things to finish while Little Ms. is with her Mom.  We pick her up tomorrow and we're taking her away on an overnight trip.  Her birthday is Monday and she's never been to Disneyland- so that's where we're taking her =)  I'm really excited, not so much for Disneyland (because I really don't like that theme park vs. the others near it), but for her face and reactions and seeing the characters.  It is going to be awesome!

- Until next time.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

First post-op appointment

I went to my first post-op appointment on Tuesday (9/27/11- almost 3 weeks after surgery).  I got to see my doctor, who is always a pleasure; and he had another doctor with him who is I guess interning to learn how to do lapband and what not...he was also a nice guy.

We looked at my weight, and talked about a plateau coming up, and I had mentioned that I had only lost 1 pound last week, and this week is looking like a 1/2 a pound.  The doctor then asked if I wanted a fill.  It caught me so off guard.  I thought fills were 6 weeks or so after surgery, and the doctor explained that if I thought I was ready, I could do it.

I didn't feel that I was ready.  I declined since I had to return to work that day, and wasn't sure how I would be feeling afterwards, or what my eating or drinking would be like, and my biggest concern- should I throw up.  I didn't want that to happen at work.

The doctor scheduled me to go in on October 22nd for my first fill, and now I'm concerned that I should have taken the fill on Tuesday, since that is four weeks away.  I'm trying not to get discouraged, and perhaps the fill would have helped me stay on track.  Either way, it's too late now, and I can't get my first fill until October 22nd.

In better news, I was approved to start working out.  Yes!  Along with that, I went to the gym for the first time in what seems like months, and got easily frustrated.  I was really sleepy yesterday, and cranky in general, so by the time I got to the gym my mood was not in sync with my mind's wanting to be there.  I walked on the treadmill, but not for long, before I decided to go home.  I am really bummed, more at myself than anything else, and hope that today will be better.

My husband recommended me trying to work out at home to see what I can do, if anything hurts, etc.  I may try that today, but I know he wants to go to the gym today when I get off work as well.  So we'll see how today goes.

I've been doing really well with my eating this week, up until today.  The new position I accepted, the lady I work with, she works through her lunch so that we can get out as early as possible (since she lives out of town).  That's fine, and kind of exciting to be able to get off early, but I'm on an eating schedule.  I tried to find snacks to take with me, and today learned we do have a microwave.  So I'm going to pack a lunch next week and when I'm hungry, just go heat up my lunch.

I was so happy to see new followers, and new people joining the lapband journey.  I hope that you all have as great of an experience as I have had.  I would do this journey again in a heartbeat.  I know I had a lot of emotions and questions when I was looking into things, and am free to answer anyone's questions should they have any.

- Until next time.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Cookies, Candies, Cakes- Surrounded by Sweets!

I love fall.  It's my all time favorite season.  I love the change in the air, the scenery, and even the more mellow of a mood people seem to get into.  One thing I didn't realize until now is how many sweets are involved in both fall and winter.  Insane.  It doesn't help that I am usually the one that makes them.

I've decided I'm not going to give up my baking, as I really enjoy it.  Some people like to run to clear their head; I like to bake. 

Lately it seems as if I have a lot of baking on request.  I make these pretty awesome cake pops, and the only other place in town charges a fortune for them and they taste like garbage.  So I'll make them, and I sell them for a buck each.  The Mister has friends at work that have been requesting them more and more. 

I just finished some dark chocolate raspberry ones, and tonight started making some orange dreamsicle ones.  I've been pretty surprised that I have no desire to eat them.  I also within the last few months, learned how to make oreo truffles.  They are decent.  I personally expected more, but people seem to like them.

I am not a chocolate fan, nor have I ever been; but, I do like oreos (usually the double stuffed ones or the mint, so that I can't taste the chocolate haha).  Those have been heavily requested lately too.

Other baking projects I have coming up include both of my nephew's birthday cakes, as well as 30 cake pops per party; and my Mom's 60th birthday.  My sister asked me to make mini cheesecake balls and roll them in a variety of things.  So that's on the agenda.  Thank goodness I acquired a job that will keep me pretty busy, then I won't have time to think about the baked goods in my house.

As for my lack of desire to eat them- here's what I learned so far in my 2 week experience.  When it comes to eating, give me something that will keep me full.  Screw the junk food, the candy, the sweets, the crap basically.  I have had two times that I have "cheated" so to speak.  One was at the rodeo, and the other I'm not sure if it is a true cheat. Either way, both times I felt hungry way earlier than I was supposed to.

I've learned with the right foods in me, I can keep on my eating schedule that I'm trying so hard to follow.  I'm hoping that with enough routine, I will be able to  feel hungry and know it's noon and lunch time.  That at 3 pm I'm going to be looking forward to my protein shake, and that dinner will always include a protein and a vegetable.  I have been over this last week eating dinner mainly of either fish, turkey or chicken, and a vegetable.  I love it.  It's great.  No carbs, nothing heavy, I feel great, and before bed (when I'm going to bed on time) I can slip into a good night's sleep.

My other issue lately has been staying up WAY past my bed time...leading me to hunger at like 2 am (such as tonight).  I suppress it with water as much as I can, but usually end up with some chicken broth or something liquid to try and kill it.

My goals this week include- sticking to both my food and sleep schedule.  I need this routine.  I've noticed since I have broken it, I'm having a hell of a time getting back on.  I feel like the kid that fell off their bike, and needs the extra push to get on and try again.  I need to discipline myself that I shouldn't be going to bed after 11 pm/midnight.  There's no reason.  Especially now that I'll be working.

Things to work on.

- Until next time.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

2 weeks post-op - where has the time gone?

Two weeks ago, I became a bandster.  Today, I have absolutely no regrets, and would do it again.

Life has been very busy and chaotic, which does send a sense of worry over me; since I am really trying to focus on my eating and health.  Believe it or not, the routine I have seems to have stuck.  Even when I'm swamped and busy, my stomach lets me know that it's lunch time and it's not waiting.  It's been nice utilizing my measuring cups; and now instead of them being a hassle we are all used to them.

At dinner I use my 1/4 cup to scoop my sides of veggies, and my daughter thinks it's so great she likes to as well.  My husband uses it because he doesn't want to dirty another dish, haha.  We've become quit fond of fish as a family, and I'm surprised how well Little Ms. is accepting of it.  Her favorite this far is salmon, but she doesn't mind talapia or mahi mahi. 

Tonight is my husband's grandmother's birthday, and we'll be going out to eat with the entire family.  I am a little worried about that, for a few reasons.  I know that my band is empty, so I don't want to be tempted to eat more than I should, for the fact that if any repercussions do occur, that would not only be embarrassing, but painful I'm sure.  Also, I have no idea what to eat.  My husband let me know the restaurant, and he recommends some fish and a veggie, or even mashed potatoes, since we know I can eat them fine.

Since I have been able to eat softer foods, I've been trying to stay away from mashed potatoes, because in reality they are really not good for you (but SUPER yummy...I've always said they were my favorite food lol).  I've been gearing away from anything with carbs lately, in hopes that it will aid me in my weight loss.

I am currently down one pound since my last post five days ago.  I have been told by many that I should expect to plateau.  That bums me out, but anything I can do (avoiding carbs) to help, I'm going to try.  Since I'm still not approved to start exercising, the only real control is what I shove in my mouth.  My goal is to be as close to 200 pounds (preferably under) by the time I'm approved to begin exercising.  I'm currently only 5 pounds away.  I know I can do that, and am hoping to instead of plateau, just slow down on the weight loss.  I know I'm not going to lose another 15 pounds (because I don't want to stick with liquids again).

I'm off, I have some work stuff to accomplish, and have been so excited.  I accepted a new position that is one day per week (since I'm a full time student, it fits well into my schedule), and they're already thinking of adding some hours for me.  I may be up to 3 days per week, which although it's part-time, is perfect for me.  The company is also very amazing, and I can't wait to help do great things for the community.

- Until next time.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

9 days post-op

I'm so grateful that my body and mind are accepting this experience so well.  Reading some other blogs, I feel that I am very blessed to have it so "easy".  If it were a piece of cake everyone would do it; so my cake is more like the end result of a birthday cake for a one year old.  Kind of in tact, but a bit all over the place; with a mess that takes a little while to clean up.

I feel that I am adjusting really well.  I was finally able to go potty, the day after my post; and it hurt.  I didn't get the runs as I was told and read about, it was hard and actually hurt.  It didn't help that it was the first day I tried with zero pain medicine, so the outside of my belly was actually hurting to where I could feel it.  Oh well, it's done, and was able to go again tonight.  I am not expecting to be regular again by no means, but it's nice to see my system gaining a new routine.

Although my doctor instructed me to wait for one week to begin eating mushy foods; I decided on Thursday that I would try some fish.  It went down great, and I've been eating fish since.  My diet has consisted of soup at least once a day though; there's something comforting about the broth that makes me feel better during the day.  The fish has been great, and my husband loves that I can sit and eat something with him and Little Ms. during dinner time.

I have been sticking to my measuring cups lately, and making notes when I feel full.  I'm taking my time eating, even though I don't feel like I have to.  I know that my band is open, but just because it's open, I don't want to be a bulldozer pushing food in.  The hardest part for my family to adjust to is not drinking with our meals.  We've adjusted pretty well though.  My brother in law came over for dinner the other night for some fish and commented that it was weird that he was the only one with a drink, and Little Ms. told him that we need to fill our bellies with food, and then we can drink after dinner.

She doesn't completely get it, but it's nice that even though she doesn't get it, I feel like she supports our decision to not drink with our meals.  She is also loving breakfast in the morning.  The Mister and her have always been big cereal buffs in the morning, but I started eating scrambled eggs, so now they do as well; and she loves it.  Her teacher mentioned how nice it is to hear her stories about how we sit together as a family for both breakfast and dinner.  My favorite comment so far from Little Ms. is in the morning when we sit down to eat breakfast she always says "So what's on the agenda for today?"  haha, I love it.

Today I experimented with different foods, and I don't think some of them went over well.  My stomach got a bit upset, and I just make a note on the fridge of foods that don't sit well with me, so myself and The Mister know not to cook them for a while.  So far Salmon and Talapia are home runs, so I've been sticking with them.

I've decided I want to start weighing myself on either Friday's or Saturday's (not sure which one), and also take a picture.  I want to see if I can do a photo journal.  I think seeing the pictures will be extra motivation for me to continue my healthy eating journey.  Not to mention that since we've all started eating what I've been eating, the entire family feels healthier and we all seem to have more energy.

I'm down two more pounds as of this morning, which is great.  I worry that adding in real food is going to hurt me.  I won't be going in for my first fill until October 11th I think they said, and I don't know when I'll be cleared to begin exercising.  I know that watching my portions has been amazing, and I think that is going to help me continue to lose weight.

Thanks to all of the supporters and readers out there, it's always nice to read an encouraging comment.

- Until next time.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

5 days- Already?

I can't believe it's almost been a week since I went in for surgery.

Things are going well.  I weighed myself for the first time since before surgery.  Since I've started the lap band journey, I am down 13 pounds.  Since surgery, I am down 6 pounds.  The doctor told me the first few weeks after surgery I can lose nothing, or anywhere from 10-12 pounds.  I expected nothing, but so far am down 6 more pounds.

My days have been altering on how I'm feeling.  If I feel great one day, the next I'm always exhausted and sore.  My husband thinks that I am doing too much on the days I feel great, making me more tired and sore.  Today I feel great, but am taking it easy.

My doctor's office called and set up my first follow up visit for September 27th; which is 19 days after surgery.  I didn't know if that was normal, since I thought he wanted to see me the first week after surgery.  Oh well.  The lady said that I will see him then, and schedule to go down two weeks later for my first fill.  So basically a month after surgery.

I've been doing alright with my eating.  Mashed potatoes have been good, but I've been leaning back to the broths and stuff, it tastes better lol.  I bought some Activia Vanilla yogurt, and although I'm not a plain or vanilla yogurt lover, I really like theirs.  The protein amount is good, and it tastes good.  It has a sweet and tart flavor, and I really like it.

I am using liquid vitamins as well as a liquid calcium (I used to take both as pills, but they told me no pills for a while).  The multi-vitamin is brown and tastes so tart it makes my jaws pucker.  I hate it.  The calcium tastes like a milk of magnesia, and it also sucks.  After I take them, I drink some apple juice; it usually takes away the funk taste in my mouth from them.

Last night my husband and daughter wanted some spaghetti, so I made some, and we all sat down to dinner, and it was the first night that was an eye opener for me.  I didn't like the fact that they got to eat noodles and sauce while I got some yogurt and a protein shake.  It bummed me out that I just scooped their meal in a bowl, and got out the measuring spoons for mine.  It's something I definitely need to adjust to.

On another note, I have become concern that I have yet to have a bowel movement.  Reading all these blogs about never trusting a fart, and when you do poop it'll be more like the runs...I have this like fear of using the bathroom.  Anytime I feel gas coming out the bottom end, I go straight to the bathroom.  The Mister finds this extremely amusing, but it's like a real fear I have.  I'm concerned that I haven't gone since last, I called my Mom.  lol.

My Mom (just like the doctor) said it's normal, that it'll happen when it happens, not to panic.  I was told (by both) to drink lots of water and liquids, and it'll just happen.  That there is nothing I can eat or drink to make it happen.  For whatever reason, I only half listened.  I'm lactose intolerant, and last night ate some vanilla soft served ice cream.  Not very much, but what I considered enough (less than 1/4 cup).

I waited, waited, finally went to sleep.  Got up this morning, and no luck.  This is the first time ever that ice cream hasn't just gone right through me.  I don't understand.  On a negative note, it made my stomach super upset, so now I know, don't do that. 

- Until next time.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

3 days post op-

Three days after surgery, and I am pretty sore.  I feel like someone has just continuously kicked me in the stomach; over and over and over...

Yesterday went pretty well.  The day after surgery, I felt pretty good.  Yesterday, I was more tired, and my stomach had more soreness to it.  It was really hard for me to get comfortable yesterday, it just felt like no matter how I sat or laid down it just hurt. 

I also got to shower yesterday, which was...different.  I had to pull off my bandages (which hurt), and see what things are looking like, and the cuts seem to be super tiny.  The part where my port was placed is bigger than the others, and next to my belly button is pretty long, but still seem kind of small. 

Last night my stomach was rumbling super loud, so I decided instead of broth, I would test drive some mashed potatoes.  They were the best mashed potatoes I have ever had in my life, lol.  I didn't eat much, and it went down pretty easy, but my stomach felt good just having something heavier than liquid in it.

This morning I woke up feeling ok.  I am really sore, and kind of cranky today.  I had 4 oz of protein powder in water.  I got some Isopure protein powder, and it tastes pretty good.  I got the banana pineapple orange flavor, and with really ice cold water, it's pretty good.  I try to drink only 2-4 ounces at a time (even before surgery).  It's easier to drink a small amount than it is to drink a cup; plus the colder it is, the better it tastes (in my opinion).

My stomach felt fine after that, and there's 25 grams of protein in 4 ounces, woo-hoo!  I've been keeping up with my nutritionists eating plan, and this week's goal is to get in between 60 and 80 grams of protein a day.  Also get in 64 ounces of fluids.  I think the fluids is going to be harder than  the protein.

I keep a water bottle with me at all times, and it just seems like it takes forever to finish one.  Oh well.  We'll see what we can accomplish.  Tomorrow I have to call and make a follow up appointment.  Everything looks and feels good to me, so hopefully the doctor says the same thing.

- Until next time.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Awake, Alert, Ready...Day after Operation

Day one, here we are.  I am actually feeling great.  Things went great, and yesterday I was pretty groggy, but today (although sore) I am feeling good.

Yesterday morning, I planned to sleep in; up and at 'em at the bright early 7 am.  I was so peeved.  The Mister went downstairs for breakfast, and I took a shower.  I got ready, and had planned well.  I wore some really baggy yoga pants, a tank top, and over shirt.  Socks and sneakers (none of that flip flop nonsense I went through during my Endoscopy).  The Mister and I watched tv, hung out, then 10:10 came about, and we were off.

We got to the center, and did some paperwork, watched some tv, then The Mister was back off to the hotel.  I went in, and had to meet with the office manager and just broke down in her office.  All my anxieties caught up to me.  I just...lost it.  The office manager understood, she herself has had the lapband surgery, and has seen patients who have cried all the way into surgery.  I did not want to be that patient.

I went into my room, got into my gown, and then to pee in a cup.  Handled all of that, and they sat me in a waiting room with a tv and a remote.  I watched tv.  Watched some more tv.  Then some more tv.  I was getting frustrated, because my check in was at 10:30, and it was already going on 1:30 in the afternoon.  Not to mention my stomach was growling ridiculously loud, and I really just wanted to leave and get something to eat.  But, I didn't.

They came in, got me, and we headed back.  I got back there at about 1:45, and they took my vitals, did my IV, and told me to be a little more patient, as the person before me was having complications.  That freaked me out.  I told my nurse that if she wanted I could come back on a different day when the doctor's were on their "A" game, and she just giggled.  She told me it was alright to freak out a little bit, but everything was fine.

We watched some tv, and the lady next to me was coming out of her anesthesia.  She was pretty humorous to listen to, and her questions were so off the wall regarding dishes, and socks, and it was just funny.

I got to see my anesthesiologist at about 2:15, and we went over everything.  He was my anesthesiologist before, and I loved him and his sense of humor, so it was nice to see him again.  I got to see my doctor a few times throughout the day, and he was a bit upset that I had to wait so long.  Right at about 2:20/2:25 the anesthesiologist gave me some relaxing stuff in my IV, and then my doctor walked in with my husband, who looked pissed.

The doctor said he found him getting upset with the front desk people, and the doctor intervened.  As he brought him back, my relaxation drugs were totally making me loopy, but I remember kissing my husband and they said let's do this.  So we did.  I went into the room, my eyes were so heavy I couldn't really keep them open.  They asked me to switch beds, which I did, and then they had my arms laying down away from my sides strapped in and that's all I remember.

I woke up in a really good mood.  Saw my nurse (who was amazing), and smiled and said "Good Morning Judy".  She just laughed and said that I seemed to be in a good mood.  They brought my husband back, and I was still a little loopy, but was so happy to be done and to see him, it was great.  The doctor and the anesthesiologist came to see how I was doing, and said I did great.

According to them, my surgery went very quickly, it only took about a half hour, and zero complications at all.  They said I had great anatomy for surgery, which just made me laugh.

I woke up having to go to the bathroom, and very thirsty at the same time.  As they were having me sit up a little, I got extremely nauseous, and my amazing nurse came in and slipped something in my IV, and I was fine.  It was like nothing happened.  They had me stand up briefly, and then decided I was ready to be taken off my IV since I was sipping water just fine.  They walked me to the bathroom, were the nurse helped me change, and everything was fine until they sat me in the wheel chair and started to wheel me away, I got extremely nauseous again, and it was gnarly.

The nurse ran out with a shot, gave me one int he arm, handed me a bag, and told my husband that the shot should keep me fine for our drive home.  We left, went to a pharmacy, got my antibiotics and pain medicine, and started our drive home.

I had water almost the entire day yesterday, and slept off and on the entire drive home.  As my husband stopped for gas and some food, I went on a search for a Popsicle, and couldn't fine one.  So I got an icee, which wasn't that good.  Then we came home, went to the market, got some chicken broth, Popsicles, and sugar free jello.

By the time we were home I felt empty.  So I got some chicken broth, and loved it.  I also split a jello cup with my husband, as we caught up on Big Brother, and fell asleep.

This morning I woke up feeling really good.  I was surprised.  I've been walking around a lot, which has helped.  Reading everyone's stories really helped me prep for what could happen, and I expected to feel much worse than I did both yesterday and today.

The gas everyone talks about, is no joke.  It's like you need to burp so bad, but you can't, and it has to come out on its own.  Walking around totally helps with that, and it just kind of slips out as it wants to.  I've also learned that the hiccups are the devil.  They hurt so bad, especially when you're full of gas.  Ugh!

Things are good though.  I have four incisions, they told my husband and I that I could have anywhere from 5-6, so it was nice to see four.  Although I can't take the bandages off until tomorrow, so I'm not sure how big they are.  They look pretty petite.  As soon as I was awake I wanted to see my stomach, which made the nurses and the doctor's laugh.  I just want to see what's going on down there, haha.

I'm going to start adding photos to my blogging journey, and am mapping out when I can start exercising (one month from now), and I'm just ready to do this.  The clear liquids are good, on Sunday/Monday I can start the pureed for a week, then to the mushies.

All anxieties aside, and I am truly glad I went through this.  It was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be in my head, and I'm ready to start the new life.

- Until next time.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

I'm alive- and doiing better than expected.

blogging from my phone again. things went well. i'll post about my day when i feel up to it.  right now i am just exhausted and we have a three hour drive ahead of us.  boo.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

We made it to LA....

we finally made it to la, and got checked into our hotel.  i am trying to blog from my smart phone, but it has decided not to let me capitalize or use punctuation except a period.  tomorrow morning is the big day and they called to tell me i was moved up to ten thirty am.  i will try and at least blog that i am alive.  thanks for all the support.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

I can't believe it's 2 days away...

Life has been extremely busy and chaotic.  Today is my last day at my sub position, and my supervisor explained to me that although she enjoys me work ethic, she needs someone full-time (basically available 24/7).  I am accepting this as a blessing in disguise.  I have grad school to focus on (my final paper is due a week from Friday), and with my surgery, I would really like to be able to take it easy and work at my own pace to get back into the swing of things.

In better news, also the reason my supervisor mentioned wanting someone full time, I accepted a position that is only one day per week.  It will work out great for my school schedule, I can still get the housework done, and participate in my daughter's school this year (I wanted to all of last year but couldn't).  So blessing in disguise it is.

In other news, in two days I go in for surgery.  I went to my doctor's office today, and he got all my paperwork, and was going to clear me for surgery.  A few things I don't like, and will probably assist me in finding a new doctor- my appointment today was at 9:45 am...I was not even seen until 11:30.  The doctor told his girls he needed paperwork and what not, and the three of them were talking (not even a whisper, full on talking to where I could hear in the waiting room) about how they can't believe the doctor is approving someone for a lapband.  It is completely unnatural, and if the person would just exercise and eat right, they could do it without this ridiculous lap band.  I was fuming.  It made me so upset.

To think that you are in a confidential field, what do you not understand about that?  Also, no one asked for your opinion, and you don't know my story; so mind your business.  Overly frustrated with that.

My surgery is scheduled for Thursday, September 8th at 11:30 am.  Why it's so late, I'm not sure.  I have to talk to The Mister about when we should head down there.  We live about 3 hours away, so I'm not sure if he would like to drive down there that morning, or leave the night before.  I can't eat or drink anything after midnight the night before (I expected that)...just bummed that it's almost twelve hours between my cut off and surgery.  Maybe I'll try and talk to The Mister about heading down the night before and trying to sleep in as long as I can lol.

I'm off, time to finish some work for my last day here.  Gave me a pretty hefty to-do list.

- Until next time.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Tests, tests, and more tests...

I am that much closer to having my pre-op clearance.

This morning I went to the hospital, checked in (and for those who read my rant yesterday, no, they did not charge me anything out of pocket), and went about three different departments for testing.

First it was off to Respiratory for an EKG.  That went fine.  Then to Lab for blood work and a urine test, took under ten minute.  Then to X-ray for a chest x-ray...that took forever.  I would have never thought in my head that the Radiology department would have been the most busy in the hospital (or sections I had to visit today).

Overall it was a pretty good morning, didn't take very long; about an hour.  I used to work at our local hospital, so it was nice to see some old faces, and hear how much I'm missed.  All of the required tests are done, and on they should be faxed to my doctor either today or tomorrow.

Tuesday morning I go to meet with my doctor, and I should be cleared.  I also got word that I will get a call on Tuesday morning from my lap-band surgeon, and get all the information about next Thursday.  I called today to see what time it would be scheduled, since I will have to travel 2 1/2-3 hours to get the surgery.  Their phone cut off, and for whatever reason it wouldn't ring back.  So I gave up.  I think The Mister and I will go down the night before (like we planned), and get a hotel.  Then after surgery, drive back home.  Oh the drive.  LA traffic is horrible at that, no matter what time you are driving, there's all kinds of people out.

I'm pretty excited today went so smoothly, especially since yesterday was so frustrating for me.  So far so good on my liquids today.  I've had protein shakes, some soup, and some crystal light.  I'm no sure how I feel about crystal's not my favorite taste...we'll see.

- Until next time.

Pre-Op Clearance...turning into a hassle

Today I had a doctor's appointment for my pre-op clearance.  Which also included blood work, ekg, and chest x-ray.  I got to my appointment which was at 2:45, and wasn't seen until almost 3:45.  I don't understand the point of making appointments if you still have to wait around anyway.

Oh well.  I was seen, but got frustrated because my doctor's office couldn't do any of the tests.  So they wrote me a prescription/note to go to the hospital to go have it all done tomorrow.  They told me to expect to be there from 8 am until about noon.  That's half a day!  Crazy.

Then, I have to go back to my doctor for a follow up appointment on Tuesday so that he can write the clearance letter based on my test results.  He is very optimistic, but I was just getting frustrated.  I felt that since I called and made an appointment, and told you what it was for, it would have been nice to have a heads up that it would be a multiple day process.

I'm not sure if the hospital is going to charge me anything, but I have a copay for each doctor's visit.  The Mister and I are pretty frugal and diligent with our money since I stopped working to go to school full time; so these are unexpected expenses.  Kind of worried there, but as The Mister said, it will all work out.

I recently picked up a subbing job, and started on Monday.  They are aware that I need a time of absence, but I didn't tell them why.  Living in a small town, people talk, and I would rather not deal with the judgement that comes with the talking; especially in the workplace.  So now, I have to request more time off so that I can complete my testing, and go back to the doctor on Tuesday.  Oh well.  My small vent about that.

I can't believe how fast time is flying by.  A week from tomorrow I'll be under the knife, so to speak.  I'm pretty excited.  Working has made it difficult to keep on my liquid diet, especially since I work in an active environment that does promoting; and the easiest way to get people to come is luring them in with food.  I've been keeping my protein shake handy, and that's helped.

I won't say I've been 100% great, because I haven't; but when they're chowing down on cinnamon rolls, pizza, and every pastry you can think of, I'm slurping a protein shake, or finding fruit or a salad. 

I've heard from many people that they were required to do a low cal/high protein diet, that I shouldn't worry too much about not being all liquid.  The only reason I worry about it, is because I was told to do so.  My biggest battle has been not giving into temptation.  I read in a blog recently that the food channel was like food porn...and they are completely right.  The Mister and I watch many shows on the food channel, and it's amazing that my mind tries to tell me I want or need something when I don't even want to eat.  So weird.

I've picked up a pack of sugar free gum, and boy I tell ya, that is so helpful.  Especially while working.  It's like a mind game that I realize I'm chewing, so the snacking doesn't become an issue.  I'm glad I got my supervisor to give me more out of office work for the next few days; that way I don't have to see the pizza parties, or today's coffee and pastry gathering. 

- Until next time.

Monday, August 29, 2011

10 days and counting

I have a doctor's appointment for this Wednesday to get cleared for surgery.  My surgery center contacted me today, and I am right on track =)  Yeay!

I told the lady I'm not digging the liquids, and she said to just think of how worth it the liquid diet will be in the end.  In reality, I get it.  After surgery, I'll only be allowed liquids, but it is really hard.  I think it's harder now because I started a substitute position, and everyone I work with eats while they work, or eats out, or the grab and go method.  Not cool.

All in all, today went well.  I had two meals liquid, one meal not.  I will admit, my one meal wasn't the best, but it consisted of a salad and a sandwich.  With the people I was out with today, it could have been much worse =/

- Until next time.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Pre-Op Liquid Diet = No bueno

There are a few things I was told to do prior to surgery, and have a pre-op checklist.  One of them is a two week liquid diet.  I interpreted it as an all liquid diet, and to make sure I intake lots of protein.

I start my morning with a protein shake.  I drink water all day.  Another protein shake.  More water, and guess what...another protein shake.  I brought in some chicken broth to switch things up a bit, and just felt like I was starving.  I managed to call in about it, and they told me I may not be having enough protein.  They also told me I may have one small low-cal/high protein meal per day.  Thank goodness.  My jaw wants to chew!  My best friend gave me an idea of utilizing sugar free gum during the day to try and psych myself out that I'm eating even though I'm not.  It's an idea I plan to use.

I'm hoping to get down to one meal per day, and then as I get closer to surgery, go to all liquid.  From what I interpret, the all liquid diet really helps with the surgery and shrinking of the liver.  I'm also in the process of quitting smoking.

I used to be a heavy smoker, then I just kind of stopped for a while.  Now I smoke socially (usually while drinking), or when I'm stressed.  For whatever reason, I have been craving them lately, which is not like me.  For anyone who has smoked, when you crave it, there's not a real supplement for it.  I used to supplement food for a smoke, but that's not really an options; and no liquid I put in my mouth is going to cure that fix.  I'm hoping the gum will also help with that.  My Mother thinks it is me wanting something in my mouth, and since I'm not eating really at all, I'm now wanting to smoke.  Could be.

Other things on my checklist include visiting a doctor for clearance, and I can't seem to get in touch with anyone; so frustrating.  Monday morning I plan to get on the phone and make it happen.  Through them I should finish up the majority of the other requirements.

I chose this time in my life to go forward with the lapband since I am a full-time Graduate student who is not currently working.  I got picked up for a long term subbing position that will go through Christmas time.  I am excited as the money will be great, but thinking I may get overwhelmed.  I let them know the dates I would need off, and they agreed; but I'm concerned that I will be swamped with working the next few weeks until surgery that I will not be able to complete the pre-op stuff; which means no surgery.

I am trying to keep optimistic, and I know I can find time to make all of this happen.  It's amazing to me that in 12 days I will be going in for surgery.  I am excited, I am a little nervous, but my husband is SUPER supportive and when I get nervous, he reminds me of my excitement.

I've also been reading tons of blogs, and watching video blogs, and we even found some partners who have blogged for my husband to watch.  I know I have an amazing husband, but I hope he can handle everything that is coming up for us; and I think we can do this together.

- Until next time.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Expanding my Support Group.

Part of my lap-band journey included a recommendation by my doctor to have a great support group of family and friends.  When I officially decided to go ahead with my lap-band, I only told my husband and my best friend (who lives 1,550 miles away).  When I meet with my doctor, he frequently asks me about my support group, because for a while it stayed as my husband and my best friend.  Once my surgery date was set, I was told to expand my support circle.

I started by telling a few close friends, but both of them live almost 7 hours away from me.  My doctor explained that I needed people I see daily, to help me with the day to day emotions or break downs that I may have.  He explained that the weight loss journey (lap-band or not) could at times be very emotional, and he recommended me to expand my circle more.

I began by telling my Mother.  I wanted to tell her first before my sisters because I didn't want her to feel as if I waited to tell her last.  I tried to find her, to talk to her in person, but she called instead.  I told her over the phone, and she wasn't sure how to react when I told her.  The response I got was better than I expected, as I expected her to be completely against it, and to bicker about it.  By no means was it a great reaction, but she had lots of questions.  I answered every question that she had, and all of my reasons she had a different option to offer me.  I explained to her that I was definite about this, and she said she would be as supportive as she could, but we would agree to disagree.  I'll take it.

My sister-in-law and I are very close, and she walked into my Mom's house as I was getting off the phone with her, so I asked to talk to her as well.  Her reaction was very similar to my Mom's.  We agree to disagree.  It was hard to tell her because her reaction was she thought this was a cop out, that I wasn't putting forth every effort to get a hold of my weight loss and she worried that I thought this would fix it.  I know this will not fix it, and I won't wake up magically 80, 50, or even 10 pounds lighter.  I explained my reason of utilizing the lap-band as a tool to assist me in my weight loss journey.  She wants to be as supportive as she can be, but we also agree to disagree.

Next on my list was my oldest sister, and she was very supportive.  She agrees that if this is something I want to do, I should go for it.  I then tried to get in touch with another sister of mine, but we've been playing phone tag for the last week and a half, and tonight I was finally able to tell her.  My Mother beat me to it.  We talked about it, and not much was really said about it.

It's hard for me to want to tell my entire family, as we all struggle with weight and food.  We love food, and it can at times be the focal point of our family gatherings.  I also know that my extended family, and sometimes my immediate family, can be pretty judgmental, especially when it comes to weight and weight loss options.  There was a point where one of my sisters grabbed a hold of her weight and is doing great keeping it off; but another sister accused her of doing drugs.  It's a very love/hate relationship in our family with weight, and jealousy of weight loss.

I know that I am not as big as some of my family members, but I don't want to continue getting bigger.  I want to grab the bull by the horns and get myself in check.  I want to use the lap-band as a tool to guide me in portion control, better eating habits, and how to sustain a healthy weight.  If I wanted something overnight, I would have opted for plastic surgery.  Lipo the fat out, trim, tuck, whala overnight hottie...or I'd better be for what plastic surgery costs.

I have overcome another check list item in my pre-op journey, and have a few more to-do list items left.

- Until next time.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Sleep Study & EGD complete.

I headed down to LA to complete a sleep study, which was pretty bizarre.  I show up, check in, and they get my vitals.  After the process, they checked my airway in my arms and legs, and then sent me to my room.  I completed some paperwork, as well as the paperwork for the EGD, and then they started hooking me up.

Wires everywhere.  One near each eye, one on each side of my forehead, two on my chin, one behind each ear, one on each shoulder, one in the middle of my chest, and four throughout my hair.  All of them were put into this cream then placed and then taped.  As well as one microphone taped to my neck, a heart monitor on my right index finger, and all of these wires are plugged into what looks like a crazy over sized remote control.  Then they tell you goodnight.

Who can sleep with all of that hooked up to them?  It was super awkward.  They put me to sleep (lights out) at a quarter until 11.  I didn't sleep that well, and woke up multiple times throughout the night, which is not normal for me.  Usually I only have time falling asleep, not staying asleep.

Then bright and early at 6 am, they wake you up.  Yeay.  Got ready for my EGD, and I was doing fine until I was put on my bed with the IV in my arm, then I got nervous and weirded out.  I've never been under anesthesia, and it actually is nothing to be scared of.  The nurses and doctors I dealt with today were great, as well as a great sense of humor, and made you feel super comfortable.

I got wheeled into the room where they were going to do the EGD, I closed my eyes, they told me I would be falling asleep, and it just happened so fast.  I had my eyes closed and I could lightly hear them talking, and asking me if I was ok, and I couldn't talk, couldn't move my mouth, and then I was just out.  I woke up wheeled elsewhere, and learned that I talk about food as I come out of my fuzzy state.  Not sure why, but I was starving when I woke up, so perhaps that's why. My throat has been a bit sore throughout the day, but I feel completely fine.  I was beyond dehydrated all day, and I'm not sure if this plays a role in that.

A few things I know to change for next time.  First, don't wear flip flops.  It's really hard to wear booties over flip flops, and when you're resting on the beds they have, flip flops are uncomfortable.  Plus, you can't wear socks with flip flops, and I think socks are a good thing to wear.  Second, when bringing a change of clothes, remember to bring all aspects of the clothes...I forgot the under shirt and other items, which lead me to wear my sleep study (aka pajamas) all day.  Oh well.  I think those are the main ones.

I need to find out what else is expected of me before my lap-band on September 8th.  I know that I have to see a doctor and get cleared for surgery, other than that, I'm unclear.  I'm both excited and nervous, but time is flying by, and I hope everything is done and cleared before September 8th.

- Until next time.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Sleep Study coming up.

Tomorrow I am headed to a trip down to LA to conduct a sleep study.  I have to check in later in the evening, so my husband and I are hoping to go down early, and kind of take a look of the town.  The last time I was in LA was for my bachelorette party/girls weekend, which was really nice.  I'm not sure if my husband's ever been to LA or not to tell you the truth.

The sleep study is only a concern because I have a hard time falling asleep.  Last night I went to bed around 4 am, and the night before that was 3 am.  I'm known to stay up all hours of the night, even if I have to get up early in the morning.  It's a bit annoying at times.  I'm hoping that I just need a new schedule and nothing is wrong with me.  We'll see; tonight my goal is to be in bed before midnight, so I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Then Saturday morning when I wake up, I go straight over to the EGD/endoscopy.  They're hoping I'll be awake around 7/7:30 am so they can start prepping me.  How many people who have sleeping disorders actually wake up at 7 am?  Just curious.  I know when I make it to bed anytime after 3 am, I usually don't wake up until 9 or 10 am; later if I had the time to sleep in.  There are days where I literally waste the day sleeping, which doesn't help the cause of not getting to bed at a decent hour.  Even on days where I get minimal sleep, I'm still up until about 2 am, then I'm exhausted.

Every night seems to be a battle with forcing myself to go to sleep.  It's frustrating, and overwhelming, but hopefully nothing is wrong with me and it's just me needing to be on a schedule.

Saturday's EGD will be my first experience going under anesthesia, and I am slightly nervous about that.  Since I'm a paranoid person in general, anesthesia scares me.  Even though the doctor's always say they've done XYZ amount of surgeries, and 100% of their patients have woken up...what if I'm the one that doesn't?  Crazy thinking, I'm aware.  I'm not as worried as I originally was, because I trust that I'll be fine.

- Until next time.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Surgery is Scheduled - 09/08/11.

Some background on myself-

I'm a 26 year old female, living in California, who has struggled with weight issues throughout my entire life.  I'm 5' tall, and currently at my highest weight.  I remember when I first broke 200 pounds (at 5'), I was it's beyond the 200, and I'm at a point where I'd be happy being 200 lb's again. 

Those who see me think that I do not look like I weigh that much, and I frequently hear from the doctors and nurses that I "carry my weight well".  Is that a polite way of calling me fat?

I did a lot of yo-yo dieting throughout my entire life, and over the past 6 months- year I have changed my eating habits, and even began steady exercising.  I'm learning my biggest obstacle is myself, and my lack of will power.  I've been consistently gaining about 10-15 pounds a year over the last few years; and that worries me.

Another concern was getting pregnant.  I current have zero children of my own, although my husband and I have a step-daughter who lives with us full time.  In the next year, we were planning to begin trying to have a baby.  The thought of getting pregnant to put more weight on scared me.  I didn't want to gain weight, then have a baby, then within the year gain weight again should we try for a second child.  I had a fear that I would end up being 300 lb or close to, before being able to do anything about my weight.

I started to research different tools for weight loss, and lap-band did catch my eye.  I've done some research for the last 6 - 8 months, and became very interested in it.  I began researching it on my own, and then brought my husband into the research over the last few months.  It took a lot of convincing for my husband, but after meeting with the doctor that would be performing my surgery, he is also on board.

My husband and I attended a seminar, where the majority of the questions that we had were answered.  Then we were able to talk to the doctor one on one, and got our other questions out of the way.  One of our main questions was whether or not I would be able to get pregnant while on the lap-band system; the answer is yes.

Once we decided we were on board, we began the process.  In late July 2011, I decided I was ready to commit to the lap-band process.  I had a telephone interview with a psychologist on July 29th; which was the start to my process.  Then on August 1st I received a phone call to schedule a telephone meeting with a nutritionist, which happened on August 3rd.

Since I have a really hard time sleeping, the doctor recommended that I attend a sleep study; which is scheduled for this Friday, August 19th.  Then on Saturday, August 20th I will be attending an EGD.  From what I understand they will be putting me under anesthesia and putting a camera down my throat.  I'm still not 100% clear on what it is, but they sent me more information via email today.

I received my phone call last Friday, August 12th, that my surgery date is scheduled for Thursday, September 8th.  My husband and I have some anxiety and apprehension because of how fast it seems to be happening; but I am excited.  I am hoping that the lap-band will be a great tool in helping me get to a comfortable weight.  I am looking at it as a tool to help me with my portion control, my lack of self will, and to aid me to a healthier lifestyle.

I was glad to hear that the changes I have made over the last year in my eating habits are good changes; but the main concern I got in my feedback was my portion control (or lack there of).

I will update as my adventure continues.

- Until next time.