Wednesday, November 30, 2011

November has come and gone.

This month seems like it has flied by, it feels like it started and now all of a sudden it's done.

Turkey day went over well.  We spent the day at my Grandmother's house, and stayed the night at my sister's house near by.  It was a pretty nice day.  I tried very hard to watch what I ate, and ate mostly vegetables and ham.  I'm not a big turkey fan, and for whatever reason the turkey tasted dry to I opted for ham.

I lost 4 pounds before Thanksgiving, and when I weighed myself on Saturday, I had gained 3 of it back.  I weighed myself this morning to see how I was doing, and I'm down to 203 again.  Which I guess is good.

Tonight I am a bit irritated, and I have been sick off and on since the day prior to Thanksgiving, so I'm sure that has something to do with it as well.  The Mister woke me up (I fell asleep on the couch) at dinner time, and I told him to give me a few minutes that I would eat later.

About a half hour or so went by, and I asked where dinner was and he said he ate it all.  It really annoyed me.  It's still annoying me.  We are on a very big crunch financially right now (which we knew we would be thanks to Black Friday - but we got everything we wanted lol), but it also puts us at a crunch for dinner items and planned meals.  I don't really have anything I can just cook without taking from another nights dinner.

I attempted to make some quick items, and have managed to burn all 3 I'm done.  I'm beyond frustrated, and I don't care how hungry I am right now because I'm more pissed off.  What makes me more upset is that The Mister doesn't seem to care at all.  Just frustrating.

I'm off.  I just needed to vent.

- Until next time.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Fill One- Complete

Two months and 11 days after surgery, I went in for my first fill.

I gained 1 pound, but I knew that when I got there.  As I prepared for the hour long drive to my doctor's office, I did my morning weigh in, and it didn't even phase me that I had gained a pound.  I knew due to what I was eating, with my birthday I kind of threw all eating notes out the window (which you shouldn't do, but it had been so long since I had done it).

I was surprised at how fast I was in and out of there, usually I have to wait around forever for my doctor, but not yesterday.  I got in, they had me lay down with my hands behind my head, and they gave me a numbing shot.  The shot felt like nothing, but then once they go to pull it out, it has a burning sensation.

The doctor said it's normal, he's not sure why, but everyone says that.  So then he puts in the needle to fill, but he can't find the spot on the port.  We tried everything.  I was laying down, I was sitting up, I was standing, and then again, we tried laying down.  He poked me in four different spots, before finally locating the "golden area" so to speak.

Once he found the spot for fill, he had me sit up and begin to drink water.  We did it about three times, and he said we were done.  It was a weird sensation though.  When he did the first start of filling I felt like bubbles going up my throat, it was weird.

He ended up putting 2.5 cc's in my band, but said he thought I could have used more.  I'm not sure if I could have, but his office is closed all of next week, and this being my first fill right before thanksgiving, I'm glad we stopped.  I couldn't imagine if it was too tight, and then I'd have to wait over a week to go see him - no thanks.

All day yesterday after my fill I had horrible gas - I could not stop burping.  The Mister kept saying they sounded like angry burps haha.  I had no problem eating, but I did pay attention to feeling full or not.  I tried not to eat too much anyway, cause we weren't at home.

I went to the gym by myself the other day, which is new.  Typically I only go with The Mister, but with our schedules being so crazy, we never have time to go together.  I noticed I was using it as an excuse, that I wasn't going to the gym because we didn't have time.  I had time, I just wasn't going.  So now, I'm going by myself.

I am very excited to see how things go, as I feel like my first fill is the start to this adventure (event though I know surgery was, it seems like ages ago).  Very excited over here.

- Until next time.

Friday, November 11, 2011

It's like I never got banded - until I burp

Today I realized a few things regarding my band.

  1. I don't feel like I even went through the surgery (although my surgery was only 2 months ago)
  2. I know I went through my surgery because when I do have to burp, it feels so much different than it used to...and I have "gas" that gets stuck, and it hurts more when I can't burp.
  3. I know that until I go in for a fill, I'm basically doing all of this on my own; and I really can't wait until the 19th for my 1st fill.
  4. Laying on my stomach is very uncomfortable where my port is.
  5. I can feel my port anytime of any day, and it freaks the Mister out.

There are other things, but those are the most frequent.  I am proud of myself that I am either staying the same weight or losing, but am frustrated that it's not consistent (the losing).

There are things I should be doing to help myself, but am not.  I am still not 100% on an eating schedule, although I am up to 3 meals per day with usually only 1 snack.  I am almost every day drinking at least 8 glasses of water, which is great. 

I am not getting daily exercise, and that has got to change.  Today I picked up my Kinect (yeay, I love it so far!) as well as Just Dance 3 which is a pretty good workout.  We also have another game, but both get me moving and grooving.  That is a plus. 

The Mister and I agreed that I will pack a gym bag and on my way home from work I will go to the gym.  I hate going to the gym after work, but on Tuesday and Thursday I have been getting off before 4 pm, which hopefully means there isn't going to be the "after work" crowd.

I should be eating more vegetables.  I get adequate amounts of protein (which is harder than I ever thought it would be), but when I'm still hungry, I lean towards starches.  I need to attempt to lean towards veggies until I can get to my goal weight.

This is an ongoing process, but at times I still feel as if I am failing, and it hurts my ego.  I have my on going to-do lists and what not, but now I need to keep a goal list, and maybe bribe myself.  If I can complete such and such goal, I get xyz (whatever it is I list).  I just might do that. 

Hope everyone has a splendid holiday weekend (or regular weekend if you don't have the holiday off). 

-Until next time.

Friday, November 4, 2011

It's been almost 2 weeks...

Almost 2 weeks since my last post.

I have been feeling great, and then mad, then great, then mad.  There are many things going on in my life lately; which is probably the cause of the ups and downs of emotions.

Lap Band first- things are fine.  I am down to 203.6 in the past two weeks, but I only have 3ish pounds to go before I'm in the 190's...I need to do this for myself.  Since I missed my first fill date, my next fill date/first fill is due on Saturday, November 19th.  My birthday is on the 16th, so it's convenient that I get to celebrate one last birthday fill-less.  I don't like cake, so it'll probably be ice cream.

I am glad that I have maintained and even lost a small percent, but then sometimes I get really upset at myself that I should be trying harder and I'm not putting forth full effort.

This weekend I have accepted ZERO work to take home.  I don't get paid for it, so I'm making full effort to no longer bring it home.  Four days of no work; at all.  One of my goals this weekend is to manage my time for the next week, and tweak it as it needs to be.

This includes my work schedule, eating, time with the family, and gym.  I feel like I've been avoiding the gym like the plague, and I need to embrace it like a bad habit.

I have been completely stuck in baby mode the last few months, and I need to hold myself to the goal I set.  I made a deal with myself and the Mister that we wouldn't get pregnant until I lost 50 pounds.  That's not that far away.  Another deal we talked about was waiting until next summer, which could potentially put me at my goal weight of 130/140...

We'll see what happens; but I'm hoping to drop 50 before it does.

Work is crazy busy, I got my first teaching assignment,  and I'm SUPER excited.  I'll be teaching a 5 week Customer Service class at the local Junior College...I just have to prep for the classes.  Classes start on Tuesday, and I can use the extra money right before Christmas.

- Until next time.