Well, Saturday will be one week since the fill, and things are well.
I have to remember to eat slower and chew. I went back to not drinking anything while I'm eating, and that seems to really help.
In January I cancelled my gym membership, and this week we checked out a new gym and I'm ready to rock and roll as of tomorrow. They have one room dedicated just to bikes - makes me very excited! I love the bikes, and I can easily do 7 - 10 miles, so I'm pretty excited about that.
I have my next appointment in two weeks, and I'm pretty happy to place some focus on this. Back to my original goal of getting below 200; I know I can do it.
- Until next time.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
First Fill Since October 2012
Yesterday I went in for my first fill since October 2012.
I have not been utilizing my lapband, and decided maybe it was time.
I've been having a hard time getting pregnant over the last year, and my husband and I haven't been in the best place, and I feel like I've been crazy lately; so I needed something to focus on and LapBand won.
I was fortunate that this time was my favorite doctor doing my fill (I've gotten a different doctor every single time I have gone in for a fill), and he is very easy to talk to. So I voiced all of my concerns with lapband and why I haven't been going and he said he would take care of me (which made me laugh and think 'yea right' in my head); but he did.
I was in and out of my appointment in about a half hour (which is amazing compared to the other appointments I have gone through), and he found my port on first poke (hooray!). He gave me a 1cc fill (which is larger than any other fill I've gotten), and said to come back in 4 weeks. I had a really good experience at the appointment.
After the appointment, well, that's another story. My family and I were headed out of town to celebrate early mother's day with my Mom and sister, and all was fine at first.
I did not eat before my appointment (I never do and always tell myself I should eat breakfast, but ultimately never do). So we were meeting for lunch, and I sat down and ordered water and an alcoholic beverage (liquid diet right, lol); all was fine until the Mr. ordered an appetizer (my Mom and sister were running 45 minutes late), so I took a piece of Ahi and without even thinking, ate it like I would normally have eaten it. That SO did not go over well.
For the rest of the meal (and I ordered soup), I could not eat. I got up a few times to go to the restroom, and all my liquids kept coming up, and finally after 4 times, the tuna came up. This is the first time this has EVER happened and it really freaked me out.
I went and walked around while my family ate the rest of their meal, and ended up at Jamba Juice where I got a fruit/veggie smoothie with some protein powder in it (and it went down fine and stayed down!). We were supposed to go get pedicures, but I wasn't feeling too hot, so I chose to go home.
Came home, napped, and when I got up I wanted food so I had some beans mixed with ground beef and added some green sauce to it to make it thinner and that went down fine (plus a ton of protein, which I know I needed). I stuck with water the rest of the night, and slept off and on all night.
Today I woke up really cranky, and I'm just not in the mood to deal with people (Happy Mother's Day right?). I ate some more bean/meat/sauce concoction and it went down fine.
I think this is the first fill that I actually feel a true difference in how I am eating. When I first got the lapband, there were foods that were uncomfortable to eat (bread, rice, most pasta, mainly bread - I haven't had a sandwich in 2 years; crazy!), but now I'm noticing not only is it what I eat, but how I eat it. I really need to focus on taking my time and taking small bites. I love Ahi to death, but I can't eat a big piece with ginger anymore...it's just not going to happen.
- Until next time.
I have not been utilizing my lapband, and decided maybe it was time.
I've been having a hard time getting pregnant over the last year, and my husband and I haven't been in the best place, and I feel like I've been crazy lately; so I needed something to focus on and LapBand won.
I was fortunate that this time was my favorite doctor doing my fill (I've gotten a different doctor every single time I have gone in for a fill), and he is very easy to talk to. So I voiced all of my concerns with lapband and why I haven't been going and he said he would take care of me (which made me laugh and think 'yea right' in my head); but he did.
I was in and out of my appointment in about a half hour (which is amazing compared to the other appointments I have gone through), and he found my port on first poke (hooray!). He gave me a 1cc fill (which is larger than any other fill I've gotten), and said to come back in 4 weeks. I had a really good experience at the appointment.
After the appointment, well, that's another story. My family and I were headed out of town to celebrate early mother's day with my Mom and sister, and all was fine at first.
I did not eat before my appointment (I never do and always tell myself I should eat breakfast, but ultimately never do). So we were meeting for lunch, and I sat down and ordered water and an alcoholic beverage (liquid diet right, lol); all was fine until the Mr. ordered an appetizer (my Mom and sister were running 45 minutes late), so I took a piece of Ahi and without even thinking, ate it like I would normally have eaten it. That SO did not go over well.
For the rest of the meal (and I ordered soup), I could not eat. I got up a few times to go to the restroom, and all my liquids kept coming up, and finally after 4 times, the tuna came up. This is the first time this has EVER happened and it really freaked me out.
I went and walked around while my family ate the rest of their meal, and ended up at Jamba Juice where I got a fruit/veggie smoothie with some protein powder in it (and it went down fine and stayed down!). We were supposed to go get pedicures, but I wasn't feeling too hot, so I chose to go home.
Came home, napped, and when I got up I wanted food so I had some beans mixed with ground beef and added some green sauce to it to make it thinner and that went down fine (plus a ton of protein, which I know I needed). I stuck with water the rest of the night, and slept off and on all night.
Today I woke up really cranky, and I'm just not in the mood to deal with people (Happy Mother's Day right?). I ate some more bean/meat/sauce concoction and it went down fine.
I think this is the first fill that I actually feel a true difference in how I am eating. When I first got the lapband, there were foods that were uncomfortable to eat (bread, rice, most pasta, mainly bread - I haven't had a sandwich in 2 years; crazy!), but now I'm noticing not only is it what I eat, but how I eat it. I really need to focus on taking my time and taking small bites. I love Ahi to death, but I can't eat a big piece with ginger anymore...it's just not going to happen.
- Until next time.
Friday, April 19, 2013
Limited availability is crazy.
So, after talking to The Mister, we decided to just make another fill appointment. We figured it would be good to utilize this tool I wanted almost two years ago, and try to talk to the doctor and voice my concerns. I will have to talk to their business office and work out some sort of payment plan for the crazy $250 payment for a fill.
So today I called and the next available appointment is Tuesday, April 30th.
*cough cough* excuse me?
Brief back history - my LB doctor is based out of a metro area located 3 hours away (more if there's traffic). They come up to an area about 45 minutes away from me every Tuesday and one Saturday per month. So I used to schedule an appointment for the one Saturday a month, or if I wanted to see them more frequently, I would schedule a doctors' appointment leave at work and go on a Tuesday.
So I inquired about the weekly Tuesday visits; they no longer do that, they don't feel it's necessary. So my choice is April 30th or May 11th.
WTF.
I got a little frustrated, and instead of taking it out on anyone, I told her I would have to call them another time to schedule.
That's crazy.
It's bad enough that I am having so many doubts with this whole lap band thing; this makes it worse. Now I can't even utilize this tool except two days per month that you see fit? I know I may be over exaggerating, but it's so hard not to let this pull me down more about why I got the lap band to begin with.
I need a minute to cool off; very upset at how unavailable the support I'm supposed to have seems to be.
So today I called and the next available appointment is Tuesday, April 30th.
*cough cough* excuse me?
Brief back history - my LB doctor is based out of a metro area located 3 hours away (more if there's traffic). They come up to an area about 45 minutes away from me every Tuesday and one Saturday per month. So I used to schedule an appointment for the one Saturday a month, or if I wanted to see them more frequently, I would schedule a doctors' appointment leave at work and go on a Tuesday.
So I inquired about the weekly Tuesday visits; they no longer do that, they don't feel it's necessary. So my choice is April 30th or May 11th.
WTF.
I got a little frustrated, and instead of taking it out on anyone, I told her I would have to call them another time to schedule.
That's crazy.
It's bad enough that I am having so many doubts with this whole lap band thing; this makes it worse. Now I can't even utilize this tool except two days per month that you see fit? I know I may be over exaggerating, but it's so hard not to let this pull me down more about why I got the lap band to begin with.
I need a minute to cool off; very upset at how unavailable the support I'm supposed to have seems to be.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
I have lapband regrets.
I know it has been some time since I have posted; but too many things have been happening in my life.
I have fallen from the lapband path, and have also gained 11 pounds.
We had some deaths in the family, I have had some school triumphs, and we have been trying to get pregnant for almost a year now...nothing good came from any of it.
The last few months have really gotten me down about pregnancy; and every cycle I get makes me cry. I have been emotional about everything, including my weight.
In December I went back and forth with my insurance, and now it's going to cost me $250 every time I want to go in for a fill. They mentioned changes, and in October I went in for a fill; later receiving a bill for $250 - 2 months later.
My fill in October was not a good experience; as they never are. When I got my lapband, they gave me a small port. Due to this small port, every doctor that tries to give me a fill has a REALLY hard time finding my port.
So my fill days usually go like this:
Wake up early (as the appointment never fails to be any other time than 9 am), leave town near 8 am; drive 45 minutes to the doctor's office, check in, sit and wait for at least a half hour, then get seated in a room. They check my weight, and almost always ask me if I'm having a hard time and/or if I would like to speak with a nutritionist (I'm either not losing weight, or I have gained a pound or two). The doctor comes in and asks how I'm doing, and then tries to give me a fill. It starts with the numbing poke, then I get anywhere from 5-10 pokes (which leave some massive bruising on my tummy for at least a week afterwards) within a 45 minute period for them to find my port (most times the doctor has to leave my room to assist other patients and he calls it 'taking a break'). Then I get a small fill because the doctors don't want to give you too big of a fill even after I explain this multiple hour process I have to go through every time.
So after the news of having to pay $250 every time for them to complete the above task; I just choose not to participate in the lap band process.
Yesterday is the first time I have weighed myself since October. In October I weighed 200; I was SOOO close to being under 200, and just never accomplished it. Yesterday I weighed in at 211. I cried. Then when I was eating dinner last night, I stopped half way through to cry some more.
Now anytime I eat, I just want to cry; and it is a really shitty feeling. Or I can get through eating, but afterwards I want to cry (sometimes I do cry) knowing that I could have eaten better or made better choices.
The Mister and I spoke very briefly about lapband, but we cannot afford the $250 copay (basically is what it is), and it sucks. Had I known this would have happened I either would have not had surgery, or chosen a different surgery path.
Not only am I gaining weight, I'm not getting pregnant (which is what I constantly told myself over the last year - that I was planning to get pregnant so my weight wasn't a huge concern), and I'm overall just very unhappy. All of my unhappiness is spilling into other areas of my life, and I need to figure out my steps to fix it.
- Until next time.
I have fallen from the lapband path, and have also gained 11 pounds.
We had some deaths in the family, I have had some school triumphs, and we have been trying to get pregnant for almost a year now...nothing good came from any of it.
The last few months have really gotten me down about pregnancy; and every cycle I get makes me cry. I have been emotional about everything, including my weight.
In December I went back and forth with my insurance, and now it's going to cost me $250 every time I want to go in for a fill. They mentioned changes, and in October I went in for a fill; later receiving a bill for $250 - 2 months later.
My fill in October was not a good experience; as they never are. When I got my lapband, they gave me a small port. Due to this small port, every doctor that tries to give me a fill has a REALLY hard time finding my port.
So my fill days usually go like this:
Wake up early (as the appointment never fails to be any other time than 9 am), leave town near 8 am; drive 45 minutes to the doctor's office, check in, sit and wait for at least a half hour, then get seated in a room. They check my weight, and almost always ask me if I'm having a hard time and/or if I would like to speak with a nutritionist (I'm either not losing weight, or I have gained a pound or two). The doctor comes in and asks how I'm doing, and then tries to give me a fill. It starts with the numbing poke, then I get anywhere from 5-10 pokes (which leave some massive bruising on my tummy for at least a week afterwards) within a 45 minute period for them to find my port (most times the doctor has to leave my room to assist other patients and he calls it 'taking a break'). Then I get a small fill because the doctors don't want to give you too big of a fill even after I explain this multiple hour process I have to go through every time.
So after the news of having to pay $250 every time for them to complete the above task; I just choose not to participate in the lap band process.
Yesterday is the first time I have weighed myself since October. In October I weighed 200; I was SOOO close to being under 200, and just never accomplished it. Yesterday I weighed in at 211. I cried. Then when I was eating dinner last night, I stopped half way through to cry some more.
Now anytime I eat, I just want to cry; and it is a really shitty feeling. Or I can get through eating, but afterwards I want to cry (sometimes I do cry) knowing that I could have eaten better or made better choices.
The Mister and I spoke very briefly about lapband, but we cannot afford the $250 copay (basically is what it is), and it sucks. Had I known this would have happened I either would have not had surgery, or chosen a different surgery path.
Not only am I gaining weight, I'm not getting pregnant (which is what I constantly told myself over the last year - that I was planning to get pregnant so my weight wasn't a huge concern), and I'm overall just very unhappy. All of my unhappiness is spilling into other areas of my life, and I need to figure out my steps to fix it.
- Until next time.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
7 Months Out of the Loop
So much has happened in the last 7 months, and I have neglected not only my journal, but also my lap band.
I stopped using it.
I stopped going to the doctor.
I felt like nothing was changing, and went through tons of family changes. In March my Grandmother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Terminal Cancer, and only a month later, she passed.
After April I went into a downward spiral, and just gave up.
My schooling fell short, my work was mediocre, and life was just blah.
I do believe I gave up on myself.
In June the Mister and I decided we were ready to try to have a baby.
That was my next reason to neglect my lap band.
It's not October, and I have yet to get pregnant. I went to my doctor and learned that I will be on some medication that prevents me from being pregnant for the next three months; which means January is the earliest.
I held Little Ms' birthday party a few weeks ago and saw a photo of me that just made me look so round. I have also gained 8 pounds since March, which is not good.
I have an appointment on Tuesday to talk to my doctor about pregnancy, and also to get a fill.
That photo, plus dealing with everything, and finally getting back to a good place in my life (emotionally), I'm ready to concur some of the physical. I figure I have at least two months to get back on track, and probably longer if pregnancy doesn't happen right away.
I have been going to the gym again, which has been helpful, but my eating has gone to sh*t. I'm hoping using my lap band will help me with that, and am ready to make some physical changes.
On the plus side, any weight loss should aid me in my goal of getting pregnant, since I am still over 200 pounds.
Glad to see those who were banded near me are doing so well, and hopefully I won't be such a stranger.
- Until next time.
I stopped using it.
I stopped going to the doctor.
I felt like nothing was changing, and went through tons of family changes. In March my Grandmother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Terminal Cancer, and only a month later, she passed.
After April I went into a downward spiral, and just gave up.
My schooling fell short, my work was mediocre, and life was just blah.
I do believe I gave up on myself.
In June the Mister and I decided we were ready to try to have a baby.
That was my next reason to neglect my lap band.
It's not October, and I have yet to get pregnant. I went to my doctor and learned that I will be on some medication that prevents me from being pregnant for the next three months; which means January is the earliest.
I held Little Ms' birthday party a few weeks ago and saw a photo of me that just made me look so round. I have also gained 8 pounds since March, which is not good.
I have an appointment on Tuesday to talk to my doctor about pregnancy, and also to get a fill.
That photo, plus dealing with everything, and finally getting back to a good place in my life (emotionally), I'm ready to concur some of the physical. I figure I have at least two months to get back on track, and probably longer if pregnancy doesn't happen right away.
I have been going to the gym again, which has been helpful, but my eating has gone to sh*t. I'm hoping using my lap band will help me with that, and am ready to make some physical changes.
On the plus side, any weight loss should aid me in my goal of getting pregnant, since I am still over 200 pounds.
Glad to see those who were banded near me are doing so well, and hopefully I won't be such a stranger.
- Until next time.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Out of hiding...
It's been some time...and I'll admit that I have been avoiding, many things, my blog included.
I am still resting at 200...I did go down to 199, but then back up. I feel like I fight myself within ten pounds. Oh well.
I attempted a cleanse, and that just caused me to get pretty sick, and it was all bad. Horrible half week (couldn't even make it through the week).
I was doing great with my workouts, then with getting sick (and you're not supposed to workout while cleansing), I've lost my groove.
The Mister and I still have our $100 bet that I can't get down 30 pounds (20 more to go) by April 1st.
My doctor doesn't think I need any fills, and it's really starting to piss me off. For one, I'm paying the copay so you can tell me I don't need a fill? For two, we all see me on this huge plateau...but hey, you're the doctor I guess.
I have been doing well with my eating, and I notice when I'm eating good and working out, I do go down in weight...then something happens and I either stop working out, or start eating horribly. Amazing how well candy can go down, but I can't eat certain veggies to save my life.
I know my last fill (almost two months ago) did something, because since then I cannot eat bread, rice, and most pasta. So I just steer clear of it these days.
Life on the other hand, is fabulous. People have noticed I've lost weight. I hosted a baby shower for a dear friend of mine, and there were people I haven't seen in a year or more, and everyone had a comment of how great I looked. I guess deep down I was hoping for a more drastic change, but my face is substantially thinner, and I fit into a size smaller...which is hit or miss on the brand, but I'm taking it.
Schooling is stressful as always, and I am coming up on finals next week. My work/professional life is amazing, and I truly love my job. Family is awesome as ever, and we have a ton of events coming up (our one year wedding anniversary included). Little Miss is doing well, and I am just really happy. Losing weight or not, I am happy. I know I have a ways to go, but am no longer stressed about it.
I will admit that I have been stuck in this baby mode for some time, and it has been decided that in June we will start trying to have a baby. I know this is going to screw with my weight loss plans, but if I can drop anything really, I'll be happy. I wanted to be at 150 when I get pregnant, and I think I could probably be down to 170.
My OB/GYN told me that even if I got pregnant, by watching what I eat, and doing light exercising, I should still be able to drop weight, and it would be healthy...so that's a plus.
I'm off. Decided to take a break from studying, and hold myself accountable for hiding from no one else than...myself.
I have been keeping up with blogs of those I follow, and you ladies are truly amazing. I need to gather some of your inspiration, and make it happen.
- Until next time.
I am still resting at 200...I did go down to 199, but then back up. I feel like I fight myself within ten pounds. Oh well.
I attempted a cleanse, and that just caused me to get pretty sick, and it was all bad. Horrible half week (couldn't even make it through the week).
I was doing great with my workouts, then with getting sick (and you're not supposed to workout while cleansing), I've lost my groove.
The Mister and I still have our $100 bet that I can't get down 30 pounds (20 more to go) by April 1st.
My doctor doesn't think I need any fills, and it's really starting to piss me off. For one, I'm paying the copay so you can tell me I don't need a fill? For two, we all see me on this huge plateau...but hey, you're the doctor I guess.
I have been doing well with my eating, and I notice when I'm eating good and working out, I do go down in weight...then something happens and I either stop working out, or start eating horribly. Amazing how well candy can go down, but I can't eat certain veggies to save my life.
I know my last fill (almost two months ago) did something, because since then I cannot eat bread, rice, and most pasta. So I just steer clear of it these days.
Life on the other hand, is fabulous. People have noticed I've lost weight. I hosted a baby shower for a dear friend of mine, and there were people I haven't seen in a year or more, and everyone had a comment of how great I looked. I guess deep down I was hoping for a more drastic change, but my face is substantially thinner, and I fit into a size smaller...which is hit or miss on the brand, but I'm taking it.
Schooling is stressful as always, and I am coming up on finals next week. My work/professional life is amazing, and I truly love my job. Family is awesome as ever, and we have a ton of events coming up (our one year wedding anniversary included). Little Miss is doing well, and I am just really happy. Losing weight or not, I am happy. I know I have a ways to go, but am no longer stressed about it.
I will admit that I have been stuck in this baby mode for some time, and it has been decided that in June we will start trying to have a baby. I know this is going to screw with my weight loss plans, but if I can drop anything really, I'll be happy. I wanted to be at 150 when I get pregnant, and I think I could probably be down to 170.
My OB/GYN told me that even if I got pregnant, by watching what I eat, and doing light exercising, I should still be able to drop weight, and it would be healthy...so that's a plus.
I'm off. Decided to take a break from studying, and hold myself accountable for hiding from no one else than...myself.
I have been keeping up with blogs of those I follow, and you ladies are truly amazing. I need to gather some of your inspiration, and make it happen.
- Until next time.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
Well, the Mister and I have chosen June to start trying for a baby...I can do this. Both lose the weight before, and actually have a kid/give birth (birth scares the bajeezes out of me).
The bad...I still haven't broken 200...damn you to myself. I am right at 200.8-201.8 and getting really mad about it. Maybe I need to get mad to actually do something about it.
The ugly...well, I'm having issues with my scars. You can feel the amount of scar tissue under them, and they (all four) are raised. It's so weird...not necessarily ugly, but very strange.
Things are well in our house, we've been crazy busy, but what would life be if it was easy as pie? My classes started again, and so far it is going great! I am really enjoying learning about social psychology, and I think if I don't go into teaching, I would love to go into social psychology research.
I have been maintaining my eating journal (which is not consistent for me), and that has been very helpful. My next goal to add with that is instead of just writing everything (not only the good, but the crap I manage to fit in too), but to also add how I'm feeling or what's going on when I'm eating things that are not the best for me.
The Mister and I have noticed that when I focus on my food, I lose weight. When I let loose of my sight on what I'm eating, then I gain a pound or two...and it takes longer to take off that pound or two than it does to put on.
All is well here. I know keeping up with my journal hasn't been as consistent as I would like it to be, but I was really hoping I could put a number on here that was in the Hundreds and not the two-hundreds...oh well.
Next time! This week I'll be out of town at a conference, and that scares me to tell you the truth. Breakfast, lunch, and most dinners are supplied...so hopefully we have some good options instead of all crap. The Mister told me to hard boil some eggs and keep them in my hotel fridge, bring my oatmeal and yogurt, so that way I know my breakfast will be taken care of. Good thing is that I will have a car while I'm down there, so if they're serving crap, then I can go to the market one night after the meetings and get some things of my own.
- Until next time.
The bad...I still haven't broken 200...damn you to myself. I am right at 200.8-201.8 and getting really mad about it. Maybe I need to get mad to actually do something about it.
The ugly...well, I'm having issues with my scars. You can feel the amount of scar tissue under them, and they (all four) are raised. It's so weird...not necessarily ugly, but very strange.
Things are well in our house, we've been crazy busy, but what would life be if it was easy as pie? My classes started again, and so far it is going great! I am really enjoying learning about social psychology, and I think if I don't go into teaching, I would love to go into social psychology research.
I have been maintaining my eating journal (which is not consistent for me), and that has been very helpful. My next goal to add with that is instead of just writing everything (not only the good, but the crap I manage to fit in too), but to also add how I'm feeling or what's going on when I'm eating things that are not the best for me.
The Mister and I have noticed that when I focus on my food, I lose weight. When I let loose of my sight on what I'm eating, then I gain a pound or two...and it takes longer to take off that pound or two than it does to put on.
All is well here. I know keeping up with my journal hasn't been as consistent as I would like it to be, but I was really hoping I could put a number on here that was in the Hundreds and not the two-hundreds...oh well.
Next time! This week I'll be out of town at a conference, and that scares me to tell you the truth. Breakfast, lunch, and most dinners are supplied...so hopefully we have some good options instead of all crap. The Mister told me to hard boil some eggs and keep them in my hotel fridge, bring my oatmeal and yogurt, so that way I know my breakfast will be taken care of. Good thing is that I will have a car while I'm down there, so if they're serving crap, then I can go to the market one night after the meetings and get some things of my own.
- Until next time.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Happy New Year - and two weeks off of blogging
Happy New Year! 2012 is here, and I told the Mister it should be a good year for people to start resolutions, since Jan. 1st was on a Sunday. I have few, very obtainable, resolutions. The first is to mail out a birthday card to every family member, as well as anniversary cards. I always keep a calendar of birthdays and anniversaries, so why not? Another is to blog more, as I noticed blogging is the way I hold myself accountable for what I am/am not doing. I need to blog at least once per week, but more would be acceptable.
My next grad school class starts on Monday, so I know I'll be on the computer more...so maybe blogging will be a break from my studies...we'll see.
The last post I had was very negative, very very negative. Over the last two weeks, I have not focused much on eating, yet have still watched my portions (still have that fear of vomiting). Today I finally decided to weigh myself, and I weighed in at 201.8. I was so surprised. That is the closest I have been to breaking the 200's, and I really should take advantage of it. The last time I weighed myself I was close to 209, so to be down that low was very surprising to me.
The Mister and I were talking last night, which is what sparked my weight curiosity, and he is offering a bet. He wants to be $100 that I couldn't lose 30 pounds by March. I think it's his way of kind of encouraging me. We used to go to the gym together, but we both realized we do better when we go solo to the gym. So today as I was curious to see what my weight is, to see where I'd be in 30 pounds, am very tempted to take that bet.
Since I'm in school and working, I have to manage out my time, so as long as I add the gym and perhaps even scheduled eating times, I think I could make it work. What's some advice to aid in the weight loss process?
I still don't feel too much difference with my lapband. I've noticed since doing portion control (weighing and measuring out my portions) that I'm not has hungry as my eyes think that I am.
Another thing, I really want to have a baby this year (not sure if I've mentioned that), but I also really want to be at least in the 150's...so that puts me at about 50 pounds to lose. Our goal is to start this summer, where I take out my IUD, but the sooner I can get down the sooner I'll take out my IUD. That's a good and bad motivator. Having a baby scares the crap out of me, but other days it makes me so happy and encouraged because I know I want a baby and to build our family.
Oh well. Hopefully I'll be seeing you guys more frequently.
-Until next time.
My next grad school class starts on Monday, so I know I'll be on the computer more...so maybe blogging will be a break from my studies...we'll see.
The last post I had was very negative, very very negative. Over the last two weeks, I have not focused much on eating, yet have still watched my portions (still have that fear of vomiting). Today I finally decided to weigh myself, and I weighed in at 201.8. I was so surprised. That is the closest I have been to breaking the 200's, and I really should take advantage of it. The last time I weighed myself I was close to 209, so to be down that low was very surprising to me.
The Mister and I were talking last night, which is what sparked my weight curiosity, and he is offering a bet. He wants to be $100 that I couldn't lose 30 pounds by March. I think it's his way of kind of encouraging me. We used to go to the gym together, but we both realized we do better when we go solo to the gym. So today as I was curious to see what my weight is, to see where I'd be in 30 pounds, am very tempted to take that bet.
Since I'm in school and working, I have to manage out my time, so as long as I add the gym and perhaps even scheduled eating times, I think I could make it work. What's some advice to aid in the weight loss process?
I still don't feel too much difference with my lapband. I've noticed since doing portion control (weighing and measuring out my portions) that I'm not has hungry as my eyes think that I am.
Another thing, I really want to have a baby this year (not sure if I've mentioned that), but I also really want to be at least in the 150's...so that puts me at about 50 pounds to lose. Our goal is to start this summer, where I take out my IUD, but the sooner I can get down the sooner I'll take out my IUD. That's a good and bad motivator. Having a baby scares the crap out of me, but other days it makes me so happy and encouraged because I know I want a baby and to build our family.
Oh well. Hopefully I'll be seeing you guys more frequently.
-Until next time.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Almost the New Year.
I haven't been on here much, and most of it is due to the chaos of Christmas time. Our Christmas was awesome, the Mister, Little Ms. and myself had an amazing Christmas. Right before Christmas I went in for my second fill.
I had a new doctor. It caught me so off guard, and I wasn't a big fan of him either. I have been working with two doctors during my process, and he wasn't one of them. He came in very assertive, and it made me kind of defensive. His first question was what was I doing wrong because I wasn't losing weight how he thought I should be. He then asked if I was taking all the food in, or if I continued with my bad habits that got me here in the first place. I was so pissed off and completely defensive before I even got my chance to talk. I did ask if he was going to be around that office (the one I go to since they have so many offices), and he said yes. I am not thrilled.
I know that I am not losing weight fast, and I am also fully aware that I am not losing 1-3 pounds per week like he would like me to (hell, I would like to as well!). It was a very frustrating experience, and the Mister told me to suck it up because chances are, he's going to be my new doctor. I'm not looking forward to that. The Mister also encouraged me to take it as a competition. I know that I have to see him again in 4 weeks, and so the Mister thinks it would be a good idea to work my butt off for 4 weeks and see what happens. I know it's his way of encouraging me, but the doctor makes me want to not do shit.
Then, if I go that route, who am I hurting? No one but myself. Lame.
It's been hard to focus on anything eating healthy/staying in shape related due to the holidays. I've lost all of my focus, and just really don't give a crap anymore. I just don't care.
I went to go see my OB/GYN, the Mister and I would like to start having kids next summer, and I had to figure out my options with my IUD. He said to keep it in until 1 month before, and is strongly encouraging me to take full advantage of my lapband, since he wants me to drop at least 50 pounds before trying to get pregnant.
I need to get motivated. I need to find focus. I need to stop eating candy (it seems like since I realized there are certain treats I can eat, I have been...in excess!)...I just need to get back to wanting this because I no longer care either way; and that is not good.
Maybe I need to read a motivational book, or watch a movie about someone who transformed their life...those always seem to motivate me. Hope your holiday went great, and Happy New Year to you all!
- Until next time.
I had a new doctor. It caught me so off guard, and I wasn't a big fan of him either. I have been working with two doctors during my process, and he wasn't one of them. He came in very assertive, and it made me kind of defensive. His first question was what was I doing wrong because I wasn't losing weight how he thought I should be. He then asked if I was taking all the food in, or if I continued with my bad habits that got me here in the first place. I was so pissed off and completely defensive before I even got my chance to talk. I did ask if he was going to be around that office (the one I go to since they have so many offices), and he said yes. I am not thrilled.
I know that I am not losing weight fast, and I am also fully aware that I am not losing 1-3 pounds per week like he would like me to (hell, I would like to as well!). It was a very frustrating experience, and the Mister told me to suck it up because chances are, he's going to be my new doctor. I'm not looking forward to that. The Mister also encouraged me to take it as a competition. I know that I have to see him again in 4 weeks, and so the Mister thinks it would be a good idea to work my butt off for 4 weeks and see what happens. I know it's his way of encouraging me, but the doctor makes me want to not do shit.
Then, if I go that route, who am I hurting? No one but myself. Lame.
It's been hard to focus on anything eating healthy/staying in shape related due to the holidays. I've lost all of my focus, and just really don't give a crap anymore. I just don't care.
I went to go see my OB/GYN, the Mister and I would like to start having kids next summer, and I had to figure out my options with my IUD. He said to keep it in until 1 month before, and is strongly encouraging me to take full advantage of my lapband, since he wants me to drop at least 50 pounds before trying to get pregnant.
I need to get motivated. I need to find focus. I need to stop eating candy (it seems like since I realized there are certain treats I can eat, I have been...in excess!)...I just need to get back to wanting this because I no longer care either way; and that is not good.
Maybe I need to read a motivational book, or watch a movie about someone who transformed their life...those always seem to motivate me. Hope your holiday went great, and Happy New Year to you all!
- Until next time.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Christmas is almost here!
I (as most people) have been crazy busy lately!
I love the Christmas season, it is filled with so much love and family seems to want to be around more, haha. In the same turn, I do not like how much road rage and crazy shopping experiences this time of year brings out in people. Oh well, can't win them all.
Things have been so well, and emotionally I am in a terrific place. I have been spending some amazing time with family, and on top of that, I only have 3 presents left to buy for Christmas. I'm so glad I didn't wait until the last minute like I usually do. The Mister is having fun with it because he just started thinking of presents (we both have a HUGE family), and I told him we only needed 3, and he is all jazzed.
My eating and band have been doing well. I haven't had any new issues or anything. I started a new kickboxing thing, and boy it beats me up. I've lost another pound and a half, which is good, but what's better is I'm noticing a shift in my body. My weight is moving and toning up in different areas, which makes my clothes fit looser. So even though I'm not dropping pounds, I'm still feeling good because I'm noticing something.
I'm glad that even though the Christmas season is here, I'm still doing well. I go in for my next fill in one week, and my doctor really wants me to be in the 100's somewhere, so I have a week to drop about 2 pounds to be in the 190's. The Mister told me to go strong this week and try to lose more to impress my doctor...but I probably won't. I'm just happy to be in such a great state of mine, and that's all I want for Christmas this year =)
- Until next time.
I love the Christmas season, it is filled with so much love and family seems to want to be around more, haha. In the same turn, I do not like how much road rage and crazy shopping experiences this time of year brings out in people. Oh well, can't win them all.
Things have been so well, and emotionally I am in a terrific place. I have been spending some amazing time with family, and on top of that, I only have 3 presents left to buy for Christmas. I'm so glad I didn't wait until the last minute like I usually do. The Mister is having fun with it because he just started thinking of presents (we both have a HUGE family), and I told him we only needed 3, and he is all jazzed.
My eating and band have been doing well. I haven't had any new issues or anything. I started a new kickboxing thing, and boy it beats me up. I've lost another pound and a half, which is good, but what's better is I'm noticing a shift in my body. My weight is moving and toning up in different areas, which makes my clothes fit looser. So even though I'm not dropping pounds, I'm still feeling good because I'm noticing something.
I'm glad that even though the Christmas season is here, I'm still doing well. I go in for my next fill in one week, and my doctor really wants me to be in the 100's somewhere, so I have a week to drop about 2 pounds to be in the 190's. The Mister told me to go strong this week and try to lose more to impress my doctor...but I probably won't. I'm just happy to be in such a great state of mine, and that's all I want for Christmas this year =)
- Until next time.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
November has come and gone.
This month seems like it has flied by, it feels like it started and now all of a sudden it's done.
Turkey day went over well. We spent the day at my Grandmother's house, and stayed the night at my sister's house near by. It was a pretty nice day. I tried very hard to watch what I ate, and ate mostly vegetables and ham. I'm not a big turkey fan, and for whatever reason the turkey tasted dry to me...so I opted for ham.
I lost 4 pounds before Thanksgiving, and when I weighed myself on Saturday, I had gained 3 of it back. I weighed myself this morning to see how I was doing, and I'm down to 203 again. Which I guess is good.
Tonight I am a bit irritated, and I have been sick off and on since the day prior to Thanksgiving, so I'm sure that has something to do with it as well. The Mister woke me up (I fell asleep on the couch) at dinner time, and I told him to give me a few minutes that I would eat later.
About a half hour or so went by, and I asked where dinner was and he said he ate it all. It really annoyed me. It's still annoying me. We are on a very big crunch financially right now (which we knew we would be thanks to Black Friday - but we got everything we wanted lol), but it also puts us at a crunch for dinner items and planned meals. I don't really have anything I can just cook without taking from another nights dinner.
I attempted to make some quick items, and have managed to burn all 3 attempts...so I'm done. I'm beyond frustrated, and I don't care how hungry I am right now because I'm more pissed off. What makes me more upset is that The Mister doesn't seem to care at all. Just frustrating.
I'm off. I just needed to vent.
- Until next time.
Turkey day went over well. We spent the day at my Grandmother's house, and stayed the night at my sister's house near by. It was a pretty nice day. I tried very hard to watch what I ate, and ate mostly vegetables and ham. I'm not a big turkey fan, and for whatever reason the turkey tasted dry to me...so I opted for ham.
I lost 4 pounds before Thanksgiving, and when I weighed myself on Saturday, I had gained 3 of it back. I weighed myself this morning to see how I was doing, and I'm down to 203 again. Which I guess is good.
Tonight I am a bit irritated, and I have been sick off and on since the day prior to Thanksgiving, so I'm sure that has something to do with it as well. The Mister woke me up (I fell asleep on the couch) at dinner time, and I told him to give me a few minutes that I would eat later.
About a half hour or so went by, and I asked where dinner was and he said he ate it all. It really annoyed me. It's still annoying me. We are on a very big crunch financially right now (which we knew we would be thanks to Black Friday - but we got everything we wanted lol), but it also puts us at a crunch for dinner items and planned meals. I don't really have anything I can just cook without taking from another nights dinner.
I attempted to make some quick items, and have managed to burn all 3 attempts...so I'm done. I'm beyond frustrated, and I don't care how hungry I am right now because I'm more pissed off. What makes me more upset is that The Mister doesn't seem to care at all. Just frustrating.
I'm off. I just needed to vent.
- Until next time.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Fill One- Complete
Two months and 11 days after surgery, I went in for my first fill.
I gained 1 pound, but I knew that when I got there. As I prepared for the hour long drive to my doctor's office, I did my morning weigh in, and it didn't even phase me that I had gained a pound. I knew due to what I was eating, with my birthday I kind of threw all eating notes out the window (which you shouldn't do, but it had been so long since I had done it).
I was surprised at how fast I was in and out of there, usually I have to wait around forever for my doctor, but not yesterday. I got in, they had me lay down with my hands behind my head, and they gave me a numbing shot. The shot felt like nothing, but then once they go to pull it out, it has a burning sensation.
The doctor said it's normal, he's not sure why, but everyone says that. So then he puts in the needle to fill, but he can't find the spot on the port. We tried everything. I was laying down, I was sitting up, I was standing, and then again, we tried laying down. He poked me in four different spots, before finally locating the "golden area" so to speak.
Once he found the spot for fill, he had me sit up and begin to drink water. We did it about three times, and he said we were done. It was a weird sensation though. When he did the first start of filling I felt like bubbles going up my throat, it was weird.
He ended up putting 2.5 cc's in my band, but said he thought I could have used more. I'm not sure if I could have, but his office is closed all of next week, and this being my first fill right before thanksgiving, I'm glad we stopped. I couldn't imagine if it was too tight, and then I'd have to wait over a week to go see him - no thanks.
All day yesterday after my fill I had horrible gas - I could not stop burping. The Mister kept saying they sounded like angry burps haha. I had no problem eating, but I did pay attention to feeling full or not. I tried not to eat too much anyway, cause we weren't at home.
I went to the gym by myself the other day, which is new. Typically I only go with The Mister, but with our schedules being so crazy, we never have time to go together. I noticed I was using it as an excuse, that I wasn't going to the gym because we didn't have time. I had time, I just wasn't going. So now, I'm going by myself.
I am very excited to see how things go, as I feel like my first fill is the start to this adventure (event though I know surgery was, it seems like ages ago). Very excited over here.
- Until next time.
I gained 1 pound, but I knew that when I got there. As I prepared for the hour long drive to my doctor's office, I did my morning weigh in, and it didn't even phase me that I had gained a pound. I knew due to what I was eating, with my birthday I kind of threw all eating notes out the window (which you shouldn't do, but it had been so long since I had done it).
I was surprised at how fast I was in and out of there, usually I have to wait around forever for my doctor, but not yesterday. I got in, they had me lay down with my hands behind my head, and they gave me a numbing shot. The shot felt like nothing, but then once they go to pull it out, it has a burning sensation.
The doctor said it's normal, he's not sure why, but everyone says that. So then he puts in the needle to fill, but he can't find the spot on the port. We tried everything. I was laying down, I was sitting up, I was standing, and then again, we tried laying down. He poked me in four different spots, before finally locating the "golden area" so to speak.
Once he found the spot for fill, he had me sit up and begin to drink water. We did it about three times, and he said we were done. It was a weird sensation though. When he did the first start of filling I felt like bubbles going up my throat, it was weird.
He ended up putting 2.5 cc's in my band, but said he thought I could have used more. I'm not sure if I could have, but his office is closed all of next week, and this being my first fill right before thanksgiving, I'm glad we stopped. I couldn't imagine if it was too tight, and then I'd have to wait over a week to go see him - no thanks.
All day yesterday after my fill I had horrible gas - I could not stop burping. The Mister kept saying they sounded like angry burps haha. I had no problem eating, but I did pay attention to feeling full or not. I tried not to eat too much anyway, cause we weren't at home.
I went to the gym by myself the other day, which is new. Typically I only go with The Mister, but with our schedules being so crazy, we never have time to go together. I noticed I was using it as an excuse, that I wasn't going to the gym because we didn't have time. I had time, I just wasn't going. So now, I'm going by myself.
I am very excited to see how things go, as I feel like my first fill is the start to this adventure (event though I know surgery was, it seems like ages ago). Very excited over here.
- Until next time.
Friday, November 11, 2011
It's like I never got banded - until I burp
Today I realized a few things regarding my band.
There are other things, but those are the most frequent. I am proud of myself that I am either staying the same weight or losing, but am frustrated that it's not consistent (the losing).
There are things I should be doing to help myself, but am not. I am still not 100% on an eating schedule, although I am up to 3 meals per day with usually only 1 snack. I am almost every day drinking at least 8 glasses of water, which is great.
I am not getting daily exercise, and that has got to change. Today I picked up my Kinect (yeay, I love it so far!) as well as Just Dance 3 which is a pretty good workout. We also have another game, but both get me moving and grooving. That is a plus.
The Mister and I agreed that I will pack a gym bag and on my way home from work I will go to the gym. I hate going to the gym after work, but on Tuesday and Thursday I have been getting off before 4 pm, which hopefully means there isn't going to be the "after work" crowd.
I should be eating more vegetables. I get adequate amounts of protein (which is harder than I ever thought it would be), but when I'm still hungry, I lean towards starches. I need to attempt to lean towards veggies until I can get to my goal weight.
This is an ongoing process, but at times I still feel as if I am failing, and it hurts my ego. I have my on going to-do lists and what not, but now I need to keep a goal list, and maybe bribe myself. If I can complete such and such goal, I get xyz (whatever it is I list). I just might do that.
Hope everyone has a splendid holiday weekend (or regular weekend if you don't have the holiday off).
-Until next time.
- I don't feel like I even went through the surgery (although my surgery was only 2 months ago)
- I know I went through my surgery because when I do have to burp, it feels so much different than it used to...and I have "gas" that gets stuck, and it hurts more when I can't burp.
- I know that until I go in for a fill, I'm basically doing all of this on my own; and I really can't wait until the 19th for my 1st fill.
- Laying on my stomach is very uncomfortable where my port is.
- I can feel my port anytime of any day, and it freaks the Mister out.
There are other things, but those are the most frequent. I am proud of myself that I am either staying the same weight or losing, but am frustrated that it's not consistent (the losing).
There are things I should be doing to help myself, but am not. I am still not 100% on an eating schedule, although I am up to 3 meals per day with usually only 1 snack. I am almost every day drinking at least 8 glasses of water, which is great.
I am not getting daily exercise, and that has got to change. Today I picked up my Kinect (yeay, I love it so far!) as well as Just Dance 3 which is a pretty good workout. We also have another game, but both get me moving and grooving. That is a plus.
The Mister and I agreed that I will pack a gym bag and on my way home from work I will go to the gym. I hate going to the gym after work, but on Tuesday and Thursday I have been getting off before 4 pm, which hopefully means there isn't going to be the "after work" crowd.
I should be eating more vegetables. I get adequate amounts of protein (which is harder than I ever thought it would be), but when I'm still hungry, I lean towards starches. I need to attempt to lean towards veggies until I can get to my goal weight.
This is an ongoing process, but at times I still feel as if I am failing, and it hurts my ego. I have my on going to-do lists and what not, but now I need to keep a goal list, and maybe bribe myself. If I can complete such and such goal, I get xyz (whatever it is I list). I just might do that.
Hope everyone has a splendid holiday weekend (or regular weekend if you don't have the holiday off).
-Until next time.
Friday, November 4, 2011
It's been almost 2 weeks...
Almost 2 weeks since my last post.
I have been feeling great, and then mad, then great, then mad. There are many things going on in my life lately; which is probably the cause of the ups and downs of emotions.
Lap Band first- things are fine. I am down to 203.6 in the past two weeks, but I only have 3ish pounds to go before I'm in the 190's...I need to do this for myself. Since I missed my first fill date, my next fill date/first fill is due on Saturday, November 19th. My birthday is on the 16th, so it's convenient that I get to celebrate one last birthday fill-less. I don't like cake, so it'll probably be ice cream.
I am glad that I have maintained and even lost a small percent, but then sometimes I get really upset at myself that I should be trying harder and I'm not putting forth full effort.
This weekend I have accepted ZERO work to take home. I don't get paid for it, so I'm making full effort to no longer bring it home. Four days of no work; at all. One of my goals this weekend is to manage my time for the next week, and tweak it as it needs to be.
This includes my work schedule, eating, time with the family, and gym. I feel like I've been avoiding the gym like the plague, and I need to embrace it like a bad habit.
I have been completely stuck in baby mode the last few months, and I need to hold myself to the goal I set. I made a deal with myself and the Mister that we wouldn't get pregnant until I lost 50 pounds. That's not that far away. Another deal we talked about was waiting until next summer, which could potentially put me at my goal weight of 130/140...
We'll see what happens; but I'm hoping to drop 50 before it does.
Work is crazy busy, I got my first teaching assignment, and I'm SUPER excited. I'll be teaching a 5 week Customer Service class at the local Junior College...I just have to prep for the classes. Classes start on Tuesday, and I can use the extra money right before Christmas.
- Until next time.
I have been feeling great, and then mad, then great, then mad. There are many things going on in my life lately; which is probably the cause of the ups and downs of emotions.
Lap Band first- things are fine. I am down to 203.6 in the past two weeks, but I only have 3ish pounds to go before I'm in the 190's...I need to do this for myself. Since I missed my first fill date, my next fill date/first fill is due on Saturday, November 19th. My birthday is on the 16th, so it's convenient that I get to celebrate one last birthday fill-less. I don't like cake, so it'll probably be ice cream.
I am glad that I have maintained and even lost a small percent, but then sometimes I get really upset at myself that I should be trying harder and I'm not putting forth full effort.
This weekend I have accepted ZERO work to take home. I don't get paid for it, so I'm making full effort to no longer bring it home. Four days of no work; at all. One of my goals this weekend is to manage my time for the next week, and tweak it as it needs to be.
This includes my work schedule, eating, time with the family, and gym. I feel like I've been avoiding the gym like the plague, and I need to embrace it like a bad habit.
I have been completely stuck in baby mode the last few months, and I need to hold myself to the goal I set. I made a deal with myself and the Mister that we wouldn't get pregnant until I lost 50 pounds. That's not that far away. Another deal we talked about was waiting until next summer, which could potentially put me at my goal weight of 130/140...
We'll see what happens; but I'm hoping to drop 50 before it does.
Work is crazy busy, I got my first teaching assignment, and I'm SUPER excited. I'll be teaching a 5 week Customer Service class at the local Junior College...I just have to prep for the classes. Classes start on Tuesday, and I can use the extra money right before Christmas.
- Until next time.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Another Week - First Fill - Didn't Happen
Last week I was a mess. All over the place, and it really made me get back into a new mindset.
This week has been extremely busy, and I'm glad to finally have a day off. Yesterday (Saturday 10/22) I had a doctor's appointment for my first fill at 9:45 am. The appointment was about an hour away, and I slept right through it.
I can't believe I missed my doctor's appointment. It was my fault, for not hearing my alarm, and also The Mister's, since he wanted me to sleep in and helped me by turning off the alarm. I woke up at 20 till 11, and was again, mad at myself.
Oh well, I have to reschedule, and I'm trying really hard not to beat myself up about it. I know they do fills every Tuesday, but was trying not to miss any work. They only do Saturday fills once a month...and I missed it. =/
I'll call on Monday. I should have called yesterday, but was so embarrassed.
In other news - my professor dropped me from my class, and I found out yesterday. Way to drop the ball on that as well. I'm hoping it is for the best. With the holidays and birthdays over the next few weeks, part of me thinks it may be a good thing. Also with my new job, I've been working crazy hours. I'll be calling the school on Monday as well.
Yesterday was my Mother's 60th birthday, and we threw her a surprise party - it turned out so nice!
I did my weight in yesterday morning and I'm down 2 pounds (from the 3 I put on)...yeay! I decided I should put my current weight, so that everyone knows where I'm at and what's going on. Yesterday I weighed in at 206.2. Hopefully next week I can be down, I'm hoping 203, but we'll see. With no school on my mind, I should be able to also focus on my workouts.
Best of luck to everyone, cause I know I need it lately.
- Until next time.
This week has been extremely busy, and I'm glad to finally have a day off. Yesterday (Saturday 10/22) I had a doctor's appointment for my first fill at 9:45 am. The appointment was about an hour away, and I slept right through it.
I can't believe I missed my doctor's appointment. It was my fault, for not hearing my alarm, and also The Mister's, since he wanted me to sleep in and helped me by turning off the alarm. I woke up at 20 till 11, and was again, mad at myself.
Oh well, I have to reschedule, and I'm trying really hard not to beat myself up about it. I know they do fills every Tuesday, but was trying not to miss any work. They only do Saturday fills once a month...and I missed it. =/
I'll call on Monday. I should have called yesterday, but was so embarrassed.
In other news - my professor dropped me from my class, and I found out yesterday. Way to drop the ball on that as well. I'm hoping it is for the best. With the holidays and birthdays over the next few weeks, part of me thinks it may be a good thing. Also with my new job, I've been working crazy hours. I'll be calling the school on Monday as well.
Yesterday was my Mother's 60th birthday, and we threw her a surprise party - it turned out so nice!
I did my weight in yesterday morning and I'm down 2 pounds (from the 3 I put on)...yeay! I decided I should put my current weight, so that everyone knows where I'm at and what's going on. Yesterday I weighed in at 206.2. Hopefully next week I can be down, I'm hoping 203, but we'll see. With no school on my mind, I should be able to also focus on my workouts.
Best of luck to everyone, cause I know I need it lately.
- Until next time.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
And the tears flowed.
Yesterday was an emotional day.
Yesterday was the most emotional day I've had yet.
I now understand today, why yesterday was so bad, but here's my day:
I was able to wake up around 9:30 am after going to bed at 4:30 am. I had been up all night baking cakes and cake pops for my nephews' birthday party. 2 cakes, 35 cake pops, and I have a picture somewhere, but they came out adorable.
I was rushing all morning. My to-do list before the party included completing the baked goods, shower, and also do Little Ms' hair. Little Ms. tried to stay out of my way, cause I was cranky, and I feel bad now of my pushing her out of the kitchen so aggressively. It was 5 till 1 pm and that's when the party started, and I still had to put the cakes together. So there was no shower, and The Mister threw Little Ms' hair up in a pony tail.
We went to my brother's house, started assembling everything, and it all came together so well. People would walk in and watch me putting the cakes together, and I spent the first 45 minutes of the party putting these two 3-tiered cakes together.
After that I ate, went outside, and for whatever reason just felt very alone. I helped with the pictures, did the cake and cake pops, helped with present opening. Then it was done, and I wasn't needed. I felt like I wasn't talked to after that. I just felt, alone. I don't know why, and there were tons of people there, but I was uncomfortable, and just felt awkward.
We had another party we had to attend, and The Mister and I talked about not going because I was so tired and I hadn't showered. Little Ms. already had plans to stay the night at her grandma's house, so we weren't sure what we were going to do.
I kind of sat there listening to conversations, and was able to talk with family, while hearing all of the drunk people who managed to huddle and get loud and aggressive with their words, and it just made me feel more uncomfortable as well as more alone. So weird, I'm aware.
I walked over to the Mister and he was huddled with the guys, and they were talking about how vicious the girls were getting, and I hinted towards the Mister that I was ready to go. He didn't see any of them. I then noticed that Little Ms. wasn't playing with the other kids, she was playing by herself with the puppies. I asked if everything was ok, and she said the other kids fight a lot, yell , scream, and hit each other, and she didn't want to play with them. My heart sank.
I walked over to The Mister, told him I was leaving, asked if he wanted to go with me. I was so frustrated when I left, and then when I was leaving, no one noticed. I said bye, got maybe one or two waves from the 30+ people, and it really got to me.
We left, came home, Little Ms. grabbed some overnight stuff for Grandma's house, and we left. I didn't want to go, but The Mister had been drinking (even though he said he wasn't going to) and couldn't take her by himself. So we went, his parents were looking at pictures, and I felt like his Dad was staring at me like he knew something was wrong the entire time.
As we left, we didn't talk about much. I was cranky, moody, and a little mad about how the day turned out. The Mister said going to the other party wasn't an option- which then made me more mad since it was for one of my girlfriends. As I was driving home, there's a bridge in town we go over, and one side of the road stops, the other does not. For whatever reason, I thought they both did. I stopped at the stop sign, then started going, without waiting for through traffic to pass. We almost got hit, it would have been right at the driver's door, and it was pretty scary.
I didn't freak out, all I said was 'sorry, I forgot they don't stop' and the Mister had a face of- wtf. As we continued driving, I just started crying. Horribly crying. The Mister asked what was wrong, and I said nothing, and I didn't know.
We got home, I took a shower, did some homework, the Mister didnt' talk to me, and I ended up taking a nap from 7 pm - 10 pm. The Mister left for work around 10:30, and I was up all night. I was hungry from not eating dinner, so instead of figuring something out at home, I had McDonald's.
The line was long, and I thought about leaving the drive through multiple times because I felt guilty just being there, but didn't. I had a 10 piece chicken nugget, french fries, and an ice tea. Instant gratification.
Then I came home...and cried again.
Today, I am better. I realize yesterday I was just overwhelmed. I have been so busy lately that I haven't stopped to smell the roses so to speak. I haven't been able to appreciate much of anything lately, and that makes me feel guilty.
The party, I still have mixed feelings. I know when we got there, I felt overwhelmed. Then once the cakes were done, I felt invisible. I felt under appreciated, and was hoping to spend better quality time with my family. Instead everyone was drinking, and within the first three hours, they were all drunk...my husband included. The Mister made me mad because he was drinking- don't tell me you're not going to if you don't plan to stick to your word.
I have my own issues, and I'm aware that the majority of yesterday was all in my head. Almost getting hit sent my emotions overboard and just started crying. I'm glad we did not get hit, that we just got the horn honked at us and a truck flipping us off- I think if they would have hit us without slowing down/stopping we would be screwed and possibly not be here today.
I need to manage my time better. I need to make time for myself and my family. I need to stop overbooking myself, and stop to smell the roses. I really need to not run to food when I get emotional. I don't even like McDonald's, but it was either that or Jack-in-the-box because of how late it was- and well, chicken nuggets sounded better to me.
The Mister came home from work this morning and saw the bags- he was very disappointed...and I was really embarrassed. I'm having my own issues with my weight since I have gained 1.5 pounds over the last two weeks. I am so mad and disappointed with myself that I go to food. I don't know what to do with myself lately.
- Until next time.
Yesterday was the most emotional day I've had yet.
I now understand today, why yesterday was so bad, but here's my day:
I was able to wake up around 9:30 am after going to bed at 4:30 am. I had been up all night baking cakes and cake pops for my nephews' birthday party. 2 cakes, 35 cake pops, and I have a picture somewhere, but they came out adorable.
I was rushing all morning. My to-do list before the party included completing the baked goods, shower, and also do Little Ms' hair. Little Ms. tried to stay out of my way, cause I was cranky, and I feel bad now of my pushing her out of the kitchen so aggressively. It was 5 till 1 pm and that's when the party started, and I still had to put the cakes together. So there was no shower, and The Mister threw Little Ms' hair up in a pony tail.
We went to my brother's house, started assembling everything, and it all came together so well. People would walk in and watch me putting the cakes together, and I spent the first 45 minutes of the party putting these two 3-tiered cakes together.
After that I ate, went outside, and for whatever reason just felt very alone. I helped with the pictures, did the cake and cake pops, helped with present opening. Then it was done, and I wasn't needed. I felt like I wasn't talked to after that. I just felt, alone. I don't know why, and there were tons of people there, but I was uncomfortable, and just felt awkward.
We had another party we had to attend, and The Mister and I talked about not going because I was so tired and I hadn't showered. Little Ms. already had plans to stay the night at her grandma's house, so we weren't sure what we were going to do.
I kind of sat there listening to conversations, and was able to talk with family, while hearing all of the drunk people who managed to huddle and get loud and aggressive with their words, and it just made me feel more uncomfortable as well as more alone. So weird, I'm aware.
I walked over to the Mister and he was huddled with the guys, and they were talking about how vicious the girls were getting, and I hinted towards the Mister that I was ready to go. He didn't see any of them. I then noticed that Little Ms. wasn't playing with the other kids, she was playing by herself with the puppies. I asked if everything was ok, and she said the other kids fight a lot, yell , scream, and hit each other, and she didn't want to play with them. My heart sank.
I walked over to The Mister, told him I was leaving, asked if he wanted to go with me. I was so frustrated when I left, and then when I was leaving, no one noticed. I said bye, got maybe one or two waves from the 30+ people, and it really got to me.
We left, came home, Little Ms. grabbed some overnight stuff for Grandma's house, and we left. I didn't want to go, but The Mister had been drinking (even though he said he wasn't going to) and couldn't take her by himself. So we went, his parents were looking at pictures, and I felt like his Dad was staring at me like he knew something was wrong the entire time.
As we left, we didn't talk about much. I was cranky, moody, and a little mad about how the day turned out. The Mister said going to the other party wasn't an option- which then made me more mad since it was for one of my girlfriends. As I was driving home, there's a bridge in town we go over, and one side of the road stops, the other does not. For whatever reason, I thought they both did. I stopped at the stop sign, then started going, without waiting for through traffic to pass. We almost got hit, it would have been right at the driver's door, and it was pretty scary.
I didn't freak out, all I said was 'sorry, I forgot they don't stop' and the Mister had a face of- wtf. As we continued driving, I just started crying. Horribly crying. The Mister asked what was wrong, and I said nothing, and I didn't know.
We got home, I took a shower, did some homework, the Mister didnt' talk to me, and I ended up taking a nap from 7 pm - 10 pm. The Mister left for work around 10:30, and I was up all night. I was hungry from not eating dinner, so instead of figuring something out at home, I had McDonald's.
The line was long, and I thought about leaving the drive through multiple times because I felt guilty just being there, but didn't. I had a 10 piece chicken nugget, french fries, and an ice tea. Instant gratification.
Then I came home...and cried again.
Today, I am better. I realize yesterday I was just overwhelmed. I have been so busy lately that I haven't stopped to smell the roses so to speak. I haven't been able to appreciate much of anything lately, and that makes me feel guilty.
The party, I still have mixed feelings. I know when we got there, I felt overwhelmed. Then once the cakes were done, I felt invisible. I felt under appreciated, and was hoping to spend better quality time with my family. Instead everyone was drinking, and within the first three hours, they were all drunk...my husband included. The Mister made me mad because he was drinking- don't tell me you're not going to if you don't plan to stick to your word.
I have my own issues, and I'm aware that the majority of yesterday was all in my head. Almost getting hit sent my emotions overboard and just started crying. I'm glad we did not get hit, that we just got the horn honked at us and a truck flipping us off- I think if they would have hit us without slowing down/stopping we would be screwed and possibly not be here today.
I need to manage my time better. I need to make time for myself and my family. I need to stop overbooking myself, and stop to smell the roses. I really need to not run to food when I get emotional. I don't even like McDonald's, but it was either that or Jack-in-the-box because of how late it was- and well, chicken nuggets sounded better to me.
The Mister came home from work this morning and saw the bags- he was very disappointed...and I was really embarrassed. I'm having my own issues with my weight since I have gained 1.5 pounds over the last two weeks. I am so mad and disappointed with myself that I go to food. I don't know what to do with myself lately.
- Until next time.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Disneyland.
The family and I made a trip to Disneyland over the weekend for Little Ms.'s 6th birthday. It was nice, and although I'm not a fan of Disneyland, we all had a blast.
I worried about eating trends and myself; and talked to The Mister about it. Every time I've ever been to an amusement park, I look forward to the crap. The stuff you don't make at home. The churros, funnel cake, cotton candy, etc. etc. etc.
The Mister came up with a game plan that I could pick one and we as a family would share the one serving. I would get my fix of the taste while not over doing it. We actually stuck to the plan. I was surprised. We all shared one churro, and that was our sweet tooth fix. We had some chicken for lunch (they had other stuff too, but I had chicken and beans), and drank water all day.
We got to snack on fruit (it was nice that they offer healthy options, kind of surprised me), and we also brought in some snacks of our own. Although it was an expensive day, Little Ms. had the time of her life. We spent most of the day hunting down characters so that she could get their autograph and a photo; but that's what made it special to her.
The Mister and I were supposed to hit the gym today after work, but he wasn't feeling well, and my classes just started today so I've been bombarded with school work. I think I'm just going to take my gym clothes to work, and instead of coming straight home, go straight to the gym.
I'm off to do more school work. I have tons of reading to do.
- Until next time.
I worried about eating trends and myself; and talked to The Mister about it. Every time I've ever been to an amusement park, I look forward to the crap. The stuff you don't make at home. The churros, funnel cake, cotton candy, etc. etc. etc.
The Mister came up with a game plan that I could pick one and we as a family would share the one serving. I would get my fix of the taste while not over doing it. We actually stuck to the plan. I was surprised. We all shared one churro, and that was our sweet tooth fix. We had some chicken for lunch (they had other stuff too, but I had chicken and beans), and drank water all day.
We got to snack on fruit (it was nice that they offer healthy options, kind of surprised me), and we also brought in some snacks of our own. Although it was an expensive day, Little Ms. had the time of her life. We spent most of the day hunting down characters so that she could get their autograph and a photo; but that's what made it special to her.
The Mister and I were supposed to hit the gym today after work, but he wasn't feeling well, and my classes just started today so I've been bombarded with school work. I think I'm just going to take my gym clothes to work, and instead of coming straight home, go straight to the gym.
I'm off to do more school work. I have tons of reading to do.
- Until next time.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
It's October...and I haven't posted in 10 days =/
October is here...and in full swing.
My life has turned crazy busy, and will continue to be swamped until after the new year. I guess it's good to be busy, but I just have been feeling very overwhelmed.
I weighed myself Friday morning, and have gone up 0.8 pounds...almost an entire pound. I have also started using the gym 4-6 times per week (the first week was 6, and this last week was only 4 due to schedule conflicts). I told my husband I hope it's the gym, but it could be my eating.
Although I can eat basically whatever I want, I try not to. I haven't been eating as strictly to my eating plan and diet as I was before I started working three days a week. Work is my biggest issue with my eating, and I have vocalized to all of my peers at work that I am trying to stick to an eating schedule and an eating plan, that if they see me try to go off track to stop me. Now that it's out in the open, hopefully it'll be easier.
I've also set alarms on my phone to go off, in case I am busy, I know it's time for my protein shake or whatever it may be. I hope that works out.
Today I went and put a kinect on layaway. Although it's only $150, I don't have it right now, but I had $20 lol. We went to pay on our daughter's Christmas gifts, and the lady in front of us had one, so I decided to get one as well. I get paid on Friday and am hoping to pay in full then, but we'll have to see what our bills are looking like.
I despise the holiday season for the amount of money everything seems to cost. It seems like every October our bills get crazy, then we're catching up November & December, then behind again because of Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I also ordered Billy Blanks PT 24/7 workout system for myself and The Mister. Who knows when I'll get it, since it didn't tell me until after I completed my order that it's back ordered. If I would have known that, I would have bought it from Amazon or even Ebay. Oh well, I should have known better, but hopefully before November I'll get it.
The Mister has been very supportive of me, and has been joining me at the gym, so that's been great. I've been sweating my butt off and I feel like it's not doing anything. One of the girls I work with told me I'm not getting enough cardio, which could be true. That's part of the reason I decided on the Kinect. She does Zumba at the gym, but I figured I could do it at home, and still go to the gym and hopefully we'll see some better results.
My husband also mentioned that my face looks thinner; but I'm not seeing that yet. I've only taken one photo, and I feel that I look exactly the same since that photo. I had a goal of getting under 200 pounds before I was approved to start working out, and that didn't happen (I also got approved to start working out before I thought I would) but now I want to drop this last few pounds before the 22nd (my first fill).
I guess I want to show the doctor that I'm really trying. If I went in right now, I'd be up in weight (not even an entire pound, but still). I guess it's a bit of a bummer to drop 16 pounds like I was holding it in my hand, and then to plateau for what seems like forever, it sucks.
I'm off. I have some things to finish while Little Ms. is with her Mom. We pick her up tomorrow and we're taking her away on an overnight trip. Her birthday is Monday and she's never been to Disneyland- so that's where we're taking her =) I'm really excited, not so much for Disneyland (because I really don't like that theme park vs. the others near it), but for her face and reactions and seeing the characters. It is going to be awesome!
- Until next time.
My life has turned crazy busy, and will continue to be swamped until after the new year. I guess it's good to be busy, but I just have been feeling very overwhelmed.
I weighed myself Friday morning, and have gone up 0.8 pounds...almost an entire pound. I have also started using the gym 4-6 times per week (the first week was 6, and this last week was only 4 due to schedule conflicts). I told my husband I hope it's the gym, but it could be my eating.
Although I can eat basically whatever I want, I try not to. I haven't been eating as strictly to my eating plan and diet as I was before I started working three days a week. Work is my biggest issue with my eating, and I have vocalized to all of my peers at work that I am trying to stick to an eating schedule and an eating plan, that if they see me try to go off track to stop me. Now that it's out in the open, hopefully it'll be easier.
I've also set alarms on my phone to go off, in case I am busy, I know it's time for my protein shake or whatever it may be. I hope that works out.
Today I went and put a kinect on layaway. Although it's only $150, I don't have it right now, but I had $20 lol. We went to pay on our daughter's Christmas gifts, and the lady in front of us had one, so I decided to get one as well. I get paid on Friday and am hoping to pay in full then, but we'll have to see what our bills are looking like.
I despise the holiday season for the amount of money everything seems to cost. It seems like every October our bills get crazy, then we're catching up November & December, then behind again because of Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I also ordered Billy Blanks PT 24/7 workout system for myself and The Mister. Who knows when I'll get it, since it didn't tell me until after I completed my order that it's back ordered. If I would have known that, I would have bought it from Amazon or even Ebay. Oh well, I should have known better, but hopefully before November I'll get it.
The Mister has been very supportive of me, and has been joining me at the gym, so that's been great. I've been sweating my butt off and I feel like it's not doing anything. One of the girls I work with told me I'm not getting enough cardio, which could be true. That's part of the reason I decided on the Kinect. She does Zumba at the gym, but I figured I could do it at home, and still go to the gym and hopefully we'll see some better results.
My husband also mentioned that my face looks thinner; but I'm not seeing that yet. I've only taken one photo, and I feel that I look exactly the same since that photo. I had a goal of getting under 200 pounds before I was approved to start working out, and that didn't happen (I also got approved to start working out before I thought I would) but now I want to drop this last few pounds before the 22nd (my first fill).
I guess I want to show the doctor that I'm really trying. If I went in right now, I'd be up in weight (not even an entire pound, but still). I guess it's a bit of a bummer to drop 16 pounds like I was holding it in my hand, and then to plateau for what seems like forever, it sucks.
I'm off. I have some things to finish while Little Ms. is with her Mom. We pick her up tomorrow and we're taking her away on an overnight trip. Her birthday is Monday and she's never been to Disneyland- so that's where we're taking her =) I'm really excited, not so much for Disneyland (because I really don't like that theme park vs. the others near it), but for her face and reactions and seeing the characters. It is going to be awesome!
- Until next time.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
First post-op appointment
I went to my first post-op appointment on Tuesday (9/27/11- almost 3 weeks after surgery). I got to see my doctor, who is always a pleasure; and he had another doctor with him who is I guess interning to learn how to do lapband and what not...he was also a nice guy.
We looked at my weight, and talked about a plateau coming up, and I had mentioned that I had only lost 1 pound last week, and this week is looking like a 1/2 a pound. The doctor then asked if I wanted a fill. It caught me so off guard. I thought fills were 6 weeks or so after surgery, and the doctor explained that if I thought I was ready, I could do it.
I didn't feel that I was ready. I declined since I had to return to work that day, and wasn't sure how I would be feeling afterwards, or what my eating or drinking would be like, and my biggest concern- should I throw up. I didn't want that to happen at work.
The doctor scheduled me to go in on October 22nd for my first fill, and now I'm concerned that I should have taken the fill on Tuesday, since that is four weeks away. I'm trying not to get discouraged, and perhaps the fill would have helped me stay on track. Either way, it's too late now, and I can't get my first fill until October 22nd.
In better news, I was approved to start working out. Yes! Along with that, I went to the gym for the first time in what seems like months, and got easily frustrated. I was really sleepy yesterday, and cranky in general, so by the time I got to the gym my mood was not in sync with my mind's wanting to be there. I walked on the treadmill, but not for long, before I decided to go home. I am really bummed, more at myself than anything else, and hope that today will be better.
My husband recommended me trying to work out at home to see what I can do, if anything hurts, etc. I may try that today, but I know he wants to go to the gym today when I get off work as well. So we'll see how today goes.
I've been doing really well with my eating this week, up until today. The new position I accepted, the lady I work with, she works through her lunch so that we can get out as early as possible (since she lives out of town). That's fine, and kind of exciting to be able to get off early, but I'm on an eating schedule. I tried to find snacks to take with me, and today learned we do have a microwave. So I'm going to pack a lunch next week and when I'm hungry, just go heat up my lunch.
I was so happy to see new followers, and new people joining the lapband journey. I hope that you all have as great of an experience as I have had. I would do this journey again in a heartbeat. I know I had a lot of emotions and questions when I was looking into things, and am free to answer anyone's questions should they have any.
- Until next time.
We looked at my weight, and talked about a plateau coming up, and I had mentioned that I had only lost 1 pound last week, and this week is looking like a 1/2 a pound. The doctor then asked if I wanted a fill. It caught me so off guard. I thought fills were 6 weeks or so after surgery, and the doctor explained that if I thought I was ready, I could do it.
I didn't feel that I was ready. I declined since I had to return to work that day, and wasn't sure how I would be feeling afterwards, or what my eating or drinking would be like, and my biggest concern- should I throw up. I didn't want that to happen at work.
The doctor scheduled me to go in on October 22nd for my first fill, and now I'm concerned that I should have taken the fill on Tuesday, since that is four weeks away. I'm trying not to get discouraged, and perhaps the fill would have helped me stay on track. Either way, it's too late now, and I can't get my first fill until October 22nd.
In better news, I was approved to start working out. Yes! Along with that, I went to the gym for the first time in what seems like months, and got easily frustrated. I was really sleepy yesterday, and cranky in general, so by the time I got to the gym my mood was not in sync with my mind's wanting to be there. I walked on the treadmill, but not for long, before I decided to go home. I am really bummed, more at myself than anything else, and hope that today will be better.
My husband recommended me trying to work out at home to see what I can do, if anything hurts, etc. I may try that today, but I know he wants to go to the gym today when I get off work as well. So we'll see how today goes.
I've been doing really well with my eating this week, up until today. The new position I accepted, the lady I work with, she works through her lunch so that we can get out as early as possible (since she lives out of town). That's fine, and kind of exciting to be able to get off early, but I'm on an eating schedule. I tried to find snacks to take with me, and today learned we do have a microwave. So I'm going to pack a lunch next week and when I'm hungry, just go heat up my lunch.
I was so happy to see new followers, and new people joining the lapband journey. I hope that you all have as great of an experience as I have had. I would do this journey again in a heartbeat. I know I had a lot of emotions and questions when I was looking into things, and am free to answer anyone's questions should they have any.
- Until next time.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Cookies, Candies, Cakes- Surrounded by Sweets!
I love fall. It's my all time favorite season. I love the change in the air, the scenery, and even the more mellow of a mood people seem to get into. One thing I didn't realize until now is how many sweets are involved in both fall and winter. Insane. It doesn't help that I am usually the one that makes them.
I've decided I'm not going to give up my baking, as I really enjoy it. Some people like to run to clear their head; I like to bake.
Lately it seems as if I have a lot of baking on request. I make these pretty awesome cake pops, and the only other place in town charges a fortune for them and they taste like garbage. So I'll make them, and I sell them for a buck each. The Mister has friends at work that have been requesting them more and more.
I just finished some dark chocolate raspberry ones, and tonight started making some orange dreamsicle ones. I've been pretty surprised that I have no desire to eat them. I also within the last few months, learned how to make oreo truffles. They are decent. I personally expected more, but people seem to like them.
I am not a chocolate fan, nor have I ever been; but, I do like oreos (usually the double stuffed ones or the mint, so that I can't taste the chocolate haha). Those have been heavily requested lately too.
Other baking projects I have coming up include both of my nephew's birthday cakes, as well as 30 cake pops per party; and my Mom's 60th birthday. My sister asked me to make mini cheesecake balls and roll them in a variety of things. So that's on the agenda. Thank goodness I acquired a job that will keep me pretty busy, then I won't have time to think about the baked goods in my house.
As for my lack of desire to eat them- here's what I learned so far in my 2 week experience. When it comes to eating, give me something that will keep me full. Screw the junk food, the candy, the sweets, the crap basically. I have had two times that I have "cheated" so to speak. One was at the rodeo, and the other I'm not sure if it is a true cheat. Either way, both times I felt hungry way earlier than I was supposed to.
I've learned with the right foods in me, I can keep on my eating schedule that I'm trying so hard to follow. I'm hoping that with enough routine, I will be able to feel hungry and know it's noon and lunch time. That at 3 pm I'm going to be looking forward to my protein shake, and that dinner will always include a protein and a vegetable. I have been over this last week eating dinner mainly of either fish, turkey or chicken, and a vegetable. I love it. It's great. No carbs, nothing heavy, I feel great, and before bed (when I'm going to bed on time) I can slip into a good night's sleep.
My other issue lately has been staying up WAY past my bed time...leading me to hunger at like 2 am (such as tonight). I suppress it with water as much as I can, but usually end up with some chicken broth or something liquid to try and kill it.
My goals this week include- sticking to both my food and sleep schedule. I need this routine. I've noticed since I have broken it, I'm having a hell of a time getting back on. I feel like the kid that fell off their bike, and needs the extra push to get on and try again. I need to discipline myself that I shouldn't be going to bed after 11 pm/midnight. There's no reason. Especially now that I'll be working.
Things to work on.
- Until next time.
I've decided I'm not going to give up my baking, as I really enjoy it. Some people like to run to clear their head; I like to bake.
Lately it seems as if I have a lot of baking on request. I make these pretty awesome cake pops, and the only other place in town charges a fortune for them and they taste like garbage. So I'll make them, and I sell them for a buck each. The Mister has friends at work that have been requesting them more and more.
I just finished some dark chocolate raspberry ones, and tonight started making some orange dreamsicle ones. I've been pretty surprised that I have no desire to eat them. I also within the last few months, learned how to make oreo truffles. They are decent. I personally expected more, but people seem to like them.
I am not a chocolate fan, nor have I ever been; but, I do like oreos (usually the double stuffed ones or the mint, so that I can't taste the chocolate haha). Those have been heavily requested lately too.
Other baking projects I have coming up include both of my nephew's birthday cakes, as well as 30 cake pops per party; and my Mom's 60th birthday. My sister asked me to make mini cheesecake balls and roll them in a variety of things. So that's on the agenda. Thank goodness I acquired a job that will keep me pretty busy, then I won't have time to think about the baked goods in my house.
As for my lack of desire to eat them- here's what I learned so far in my 2 week experience. When it comes to eating, give me something that will keep me full. Screw the junk food, the candy, the sweets, the crap basically. I have had two times that I have "cheated" so to speak. One was at the rodeo, and the other I'm not sure if it is a true cheat. Either way, both times I felt hungry way earlier than I was supposed to.
I've learned with the right foods in me, I can keep on my eating schedule that I'm trying so hard to follow. I'm hoping that with enough routine, I will be able to feel hungry and know it's noon and lunch time. That at 3 pm I'm going to be looking forward to my protein shake, and that dinner will always include a protein and a vegetable. I have been over this last week eating dinner mainly of either fish, turkey or chicken, and a vegetable. I love it. It's great. No carbs, nothing heavy, I feel great, and before bed (when I'm going to bed on time) I can slip into a good night's sleep.
My other issue lately has been staying up WAY past my bed time...leading me to hunger at like 2 am (such as tonight). I suppress it with water as much as I can, but usually end up with some chicken broth or something liquid to try and kill it.
My goals this week include- sticking to both my food and sleep schedule. I need this routine. I've noticed since I have broken it, I'm having a hell of a time getting back on. I feel like the kid that fell off their bike, and needs the extra push to get on and try again. I need to discipline myself that I shouldn't be going to bed after 11 pm/midnight. There's no reason. Especially now that I'll be working.
Things to work on.
- Until next time.
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